Run a background check, now
TIK Tok’s Reesa Teesa not only kept us entertained with the latest social media soap series over the last few weeks, but she also pointed to a little-explored factor when it comes to relationships — the need to fully know your partner. The newest Internet sensation highlighted how little she knew the man she married, in a 50-odd part series about in a marriage filled with lies, lies and more lies. But what’s the lesson we can all take from her?
“When you’re dating someone and it’s getting serious, do a full background check,” advised counsellor David Anderson.
“This is important for several reasons: You’ll understand your partner’s financial history, and this can help prevent financial surprises or conflicts down the road; you can check for any legal issues such as past criminal records; and learning about your partner’s health history — including any chronic illnesses, genetic conditions, or past medical treatments — can be crucial for making informed decisions about family planning and future health-care needs,” he said.
Here are other checks Anderson said you need to make so that you don’t end up wondering, “Who TF did I marry?”
Relationship history
Understanding your partner’s past relationships and any patterns or behaviours that may have contributed to their previous break-ups can provide insight into potential challenges or compatibility issues within your own relationship. So, check their
Facebook, talk to their family members, and dig, dig, dig.
Family background
Learning about your partner’s family background, upbringing, and relationships with family members can help you understand their values, beliefs, and potential influences on their behaviour and decision-making. So is he the product of a single-mother family? Did he have an absent father? Are his siblings productive members of society? “Believe it or not, childhood trauma and what we Jamaicans call ‘bruk bad’ or ‘grow bad’ can have a huge impact on how your partner will treat, respect and regard you,” Anderson said.
Credit history
Do they owe Students’ Loan Bureau? Is some loan shark on their tail? Did they pay their light bill? Are there loans or credit cards they’ve defaulted on? Are they eligible for NHT loans? Have they been contributing? Can they actually help you in life financially, or have they made poor decisions in this regard? “You don’t want to trod this path alone, or frustrated after marriage, so always ask for these details,” Anderson said.
Education and employment history
Verifying your partner’s education credentials and employment history can provide insight into their professional background and stability. It can also help confirm that they are honest and trustworthy about their career accomplishments.
Social media activity
Checking your partner’s social media profiles and activity can reveal additional information about their interests, hobbies, friendships, and online behaviour. Is the person a troll? A bully? Do they overshare? Do they lie? Is the individual an attention grabber? Pay attention to how they present themselves online and any interactions they have with others.
Police record and marriage certificates
Reviewing legal documents such as police records, marriage or divorce certificates can provide clarity on your partner’s past relationships, criminal history, and legal obligations. So were they involved in some skirmish or the other? Have they ever been detained or arrested for some unsavoury crime, even if cleared? Were they married? Are they still married? Do they have kids you don’t know about? Are they supporting their kids?
Personality assessments
While less common, some individuals may choose to undergo personality assessments or psychological evaluations to gain a deeper understanding of their partner’s personality traits, communication style, and compatibility. “It’s not just about pairing your horoscopes to see if there’s a match, many personality tests, administered by an expert, can reveal a lot about a person’s character, psyche, and propensity to behave a certain way,” Anderson said.
