Wife in debt trying to achieve Tik Tok fame
Dear Counsellor,
I recently found out that my wife has accumulated significant debt caused by her poor spending habits in search of social media fame, and this has caused a strain on our marriage. I checked the mailbox and found a letter from a collections agency, which now has her credit card debt. I didn’t even know she was in debt. A mind told me to dig some more, and when I investigated further I found that she has been transferring huge sums of money from the account our mortgage payment goes to before the mortgage company withdraws it. This means that the mortgage hasn’t been paid for months. She earns significantly more than I do, but over the last several months she has been spending plenty on online shopping and making huge bulk shopping ‘hauls’ locally, and posting the videos on TikTok. She claims that she wants to be a ‘creator’ and will soon start getting paid for her content, but all I see is that she is in debt and is also pulling me under with her.
I am tired of the foolishness and asked her to leave the house and get help, but she said it’s where she films her videos. I have changed the password to the mortgage account and I’m borrowing money to catch up on the mortgage arrears, but what else can I do, because her quest for fame will mean that we’ll be in the poorhouse before Christmas. She totally has no remorse, by the way.
Your wife is spending heavily and running you into debt as she’s caught up with trying to hit it big on social media. Understood! It’s always a good exercise to imbibe some positive vibes before delving into the mire of the situation. There’s always something to be grateful for. Well, she’s not lazy, she has a well-paying job. She’s trying to accomplish something, as far-fetched as it may be. Is there anything else to recognise as positive? She’s creative? She’s committed?
That said, here’s the mire, the concerning aspects of the situation:
1) Deceiving you. Taking money from the mortgage account without your knowledge, that’s breaking trust. It isn’t only infidelity that breaks trust.
2) Operating independently of you: She isn’t consulting with you on financial decisions, nor appreciating your input.
3) Causing debt: She’s putting the financial stability of the family in jeopardy.
My advice:
Don’t throw in the towel yet: Don’t ask her to leave just yet. Every beautiful couple earns their bliss through overcoming some troubles. If your intervention efforts fail, after say, eight months, then maybe you can wave goodbye. You’ll know you tried.
Remember, you are her protector: You are hurting, but remember your vows —“For better or worse”. Colossians 3:19 says “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.” The
Bible also infers that a husband’s role includes being a protector to his wife. That may include helping them overcome bad habits and bad decisions. Be smart, be creative, be compassionate, and be patient with her.
Talk to her again: Take her on a date. Let her know that what she’s doing is threatening your marriage. Assure her of your love. Then give an ultimatum. Maybe say, “Please, Honey, change this action, by… time, or I will have to take…steps. I love you, and I want us to be safe.” Remind her that she’s tried, and invested heavily and it hasn’t seen any real return, so throwing more money into social media is not business smart. Tell her this could ruin her reputation, her job, and the relationship.
Consider further account management: Place alerts on all accounts for withdrawals. Put smaller limits on daily transactions, if possible. Ask your bank for help to consolidate your debt and to offer advice on other control mechanisms.
I pray you’re both able to resolve this challenge quickly. I’m available at www.counsellorscouch.com.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
