On loving an older woman – Pt 1
THERE is an important difference in preparing for marriage between an older woman and her partner, compared to other relationship situations. While I highly recommend premarital counselling for every couple getting married, it is especially imperative for notable age gap relationships. Significant age differences between partners create unique dynamics, making it a “unique love” scenario that requires special attention.
Today, I’m focusing on relationships between an older woman and her younger partner. I define an “older woman” as one who is one to 15 years older than her partner, which is the most common age gap I have observed. My perspective is informed by over 30 years of ministerial service to individuals, couples, and families.
Some of the pointers I share are generally relevant for all relationships, as there are universal truths about relationship dynamics. However, when it comes to loving an older woman, additional emphasis is often required. While cases vary, I am confident that the pointers I share are most relevant and consistent in the “unique love” age-gap scenario.
So if you are a younger man with an older fiancée or wife, pay attention. If you are an older fiancée or wife, you can take note too. Perhaps slip this information to your partner (without comment).
Let’s call this age-gap dynamic a “unique love” relationship, as it requires special attention to ensure bliss. Here are my 10 pointers for younger men on how to love an older woman:
1)Be decisive: This is required for all relationships; women want their men to be decisive, making decisions and working through them while taking responsibility for the consequences. However, in the unique love scenario, this is more critical. A younger man must be very decisive, clearly displaying this leadership skill.
Advice: Gather all the information you need and make your choice. Making a wrong decision is often better than not making one. If your decision proves incorrect, learn from it, own up, and work through it.
2) Have boundaries: This is a general principle for all relationships. Women respect men who have boundaries and stand by them, suggesting that their men are principled. This is particularly important for younger men.
Advice: Display that you have developed your own set of principles that you stand by. She needs to feel that you have a perspective and a position that you don’t easily shift from.
3) Manage your assets: Everyone needs to manage their assets well, but younger men need to demonstrate this capability even more.
Advice: Women are predominantly “security” oriented, so you must show your older woman that she is safe and secure with you, especially through your ability to manage assets. How you handle what you own will give her confidence and peace of mind.
4) Understand her language: Women think and evaluate differently from men, often focusing on security and safety. Her willingness to advise you and make frequent suggestions isn’t an effort to “control” you; it’s an act of love to help secure the relationship, especially if she isn’t feeling safe.
Advice: Pay active attention to her and use the gist of her comments to determine what you need to do to make her feel secure again. Having mature friends to help interpret can also be beneficial.
5) Don’t move into her house: In a unique love scenario, a woman may have more assets than her partner, including her own house.
Advice: Resist the temptation to move into a house she has purchased or rented on her own. It is difficult to demonstrate other masculine qualities she requires when you are under her roof. Either get your own place or get a place together.
If you can observe these points as a younger man married to or marrying a woman one to 15 years your senior, you’ll cultivate a blissful relationship. Have a great adventure with your unique love.
