Let’s give marriages a fighting chance again
GOODNESS! Marriages are under pressure. And marriage is still a righteous institution that must be encouraged, defended, and celebrated despite the trends and the failures. So let’s delve into an issue affecting couples. Yes, let’s start at what’s happening at the very beginning of marriages: The wedding dynamics. I perceive that overwhelming stress is being placed on couples leading up to and on their wedding day.
I have seen the “wedding day burden” dampen the bliss of couples and sow discord. They’ve experienced pressure to make sure everything is pristine and perfect for their wedding day. And with every guest they invite there seems to be added pressure on them to meet somebody’s expectations. Often tremendous pressure even comes from close family members and friends. Somebody who knows this is true can say, “Amen!” right here. Brides have been bulldozed, and grooms go broke trying to pull off a shindig acceptable to their “masses”.
Not wanting to leave out or offend uncle Jack and sister Pearl can cause great distress to the couple. Some brides break down from all the chaos before the wedding and at the wedding. Brides and grooms have often said, “I can’t wait till this is over,” or “This was supposed to be fun.” A former bride reading this right now may have an instant headache just recalling her experience. There, there! #Hush!
What should be an exciting and memorable moment can often become traumatic. No, it’s not the way to start a wonderful marriage. A wedding ceremony is supposed to launch a man and his wife joyfully into their romantic future. They’re supposed to feel well supported, happy, and loved. The months leading up to their wedding should never be fraught with frustration or family in-fighting.
I think addressing this problem can be a step towards helping couples succeed. However, brides and grooms will themselves need to insulate from wedding day stressors. Yes, defend your emotional state leading up to your nuptials. Being exhausted and snapping at each other is no way to go off on a honeymoon. This may seem trivial, but I suggest that wedding day stressors can contribute to later stress in a marriage. Obviously, fallouts with in-laws, friends, and vendors can’t help love and romance.
So couples, if making your guest list smaller removes some stress, do it. If having both the ceremony and the reception at the same venue helps, do that. And without apology! It’s okay to use the beach, a backyard, or a boardroom for the ceremony and the reception. The hallowed thing is the vows, and the love you share. Don’t fear that cousin Tina and aunt Bobet won’t be there. Forget the pursuit of lavish decorations, huge bouquets, boutonnieres, and chiavari chairs. Remember that acronym KISS – Keep It Simple, Silly!
I remind couples to use CREATIVITY more than CASH. I say to brides, depend more on your creativity and less on your chequebook. I say to grooms, draw on your family more than on your savings — get volunteers more than hiring vendors. Yes, dreams can come true, even without the Cinderella bashment! Lady, your gentleman saying “I do” should be the dream come true. Not a Vera Wang dress. Fellow, your lady saying “I will ‘’ should be your dream’s fulfilment, not the 40-strong bridal party. #MakeWeddingsFunAgain.
Couples should play, romp, laugh, prior to the wedding, and especially on their wedding day. They must figure out what will make their wedding experience fun and free. Never just seeking to please the whole village and the entire church denomination. And I will suggest that “intimate” is always more powerful than “expensive”. And intimacy is usually accessible through your creativity and not just chunks of cash.
So let’s give marriages a fighting chance again. Let’s get off their backs and not go on about things like, “Where is my piece of cake?” Get your own cake at your own wedding. Let’s show couples genuine love and support. And let’s all pray for the popular return of “happily ever after”.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion.
