The hard ‘soft life era’

HOME-MAKER Stephanie M finds herself subconsciously going through routines where she is doing everything for the “aesthetic”, and only when her husband laughed when she told him that she was in her “soft life era”, did she pause to take stock of how much of an influence Tik Tok has had on her life.

An ordinary day for her had her re-enacting day-in-the-life videos she watches online — she does self-care routines, does massive amounts of hygiene hauls online, and says she tries to fulfil the “clean girl aesthetic”, even though realistically this isn’t possible with twin two-year-olds.

“It has played a profound role in shaping my perception of myself for the good and the not-so-good,” she admitted. “I have a better body image, even after the baby, and I believe my mental health has also improved, because I have been focusing on health, fitness and productivity, and there is always someone going through the same thing I am, so I don’t feel so isolated.”

But mental health counsellor Angela Dacres said while social media offers opportunities for connection and inspiration for women, it also presents challenges, particularly when it comes to comparison, unrealistic beauty standards, and the pressure to conform, and as such can have a devastating impact on a woman’s self esteem, body image and mental health.

“One of the most significant impacts of social media on women’s self-esteem is the tendency to compare oneself to others. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok emphasise curated and edited images of people’s lives, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy,” Dacres said.

“Many women may become reliant on external validation through likes, comments, and followers. This constant pursuit of approval can diminish self-worth, making self-esteem contingent on others’ reactions.”

For Marlie W, who aims to become a paid lifestyle content creator, she has to constantly remind herself that social media often portrays an idealised version of life, fostering perfectionism, even when she herself practices this deception.

“When I’m making my vlogs, even I am tempted by the urge to appear flawless in every aspect—looks, fitness, lifestyle—leading to dissatisfaction with the person I am in real life,” she said. “My house isn’t fancy enough, I don’t earn enough to do the kind of shopping I would want, and I’m always afraid that someone is going to know me for real and tell everyone that I’m a fake who’s using filters.”

Dacres said what many people don’t consciously realise is that social media is flooded with images of influencers, models, and celebrities showcasing certain body types, often enhanced by filters or photo editing. This creates an unrealistic and narrow definition of beauty that many women compare themselves to, leading to negative body image.

“Fitness, diet, and beauty influencers frequently promote specific body ideals, often encouraging rapid weight loss or extreme workouts. We’re seeing that now with Ozempic and Wegovy and other treatments like these, and while some influencers promote body positivity, others inadvertently reinforce a culture of body dissatisfaction by focusing solely on aesthetics,” she said.

She said the Ozempic and Wegovy craze has meant that there is constant exposure to unrealistic body standards that can lead to body dysmorphia, where women become overly critical of their physical appearance and may obsess over perceived flaws.

“The pressure to perform, to be thin, and the constant comparison to others can contribute to anxiety and depression. Women may feel overwhelmed by trying to keep up with online expectations, leading to burnout and emotional distress,” she warned.

Natalie P can relate — at 158 pounds she was so determined to get Ozempic because “everyone on social media is using it”, that when she asked her doctor and the doctor said no, she exploded in rage.

“I tried to find other ways to get it, but after reading something about the side effects, that’s when I paused,“ she said. “Now I’m willing to try diet and exercise first, to reach my goal weight.

Dacres said while social media has its challenges, there are ways to navigate it mindfully and protect mental well-being, without totally switching off.

These include:

Follow positive and authentic accounts

Follow influencers, activists, or accounts that promote body positivity, self-love, and the celebration of all body types. Curating a feed that showcases diverse forms of beauty and authenticity can foster a healthier, more realistic body image.

Limit exposure to negative content

If certain accounts make you feel worse about yourself, it’s important to unfollow them. Curating your feed so that it supports rather than undermines your self-esteem is key. Limit screen time and avoid using social media during vulnerable moments, such as when you’re feeling stressed or insecure.

Practise digital detoxes

Taking regular breaks from social media can reduce the emotional toll it may have on your mental health. Use these breaks to reconnect with yourself, pursue offline hobbies, or focus on real-world interactions.

Engage in positive communities

Many online communities are dedicated to body positivity, mental health support, and empowerment. Joining these groups can foster a sense of belonging and promote healthier conversations.