One night of bliss…
Counsellor,
My wife, who is probably next to Mother Teresa when it comes to holiness and being a prude, shocked me the other night when, after drinking a vodka drink I made her, did some very unholy things in the bedroom. In fact, so shocked was I, that I spent the whole of the next day at work wondering if I was dreaming, and when I asked her about her new skills (not only were there new activities, but she was VERY skilled at executing them), she said she had just been reading books and watching Tik Tok. I think she’s lying and someone must be teaching her these things, because in all our eight years of marriage, this person has never come out. I even made a second drink another time, and she had reverted to my normal wife and the wild woman didn’t emerge. I want to search her phone, but I’m afraid of offending her, and also, truthfully, I’m afraid of what I may find. I’m not complaining, I just don’t know what to do.
Your wife became very creative sexually after you made her an alcoholic beverage and now you’re wondering about her. Well, you’ve said you are “not complaining” about the “very unholy things”, but it seems you may already have said something to shut her down. You may have caused her to suppress ‘Wild Teresa’.
It’s good that you now know that she actually knows how to be quite free in bed. But both of you should know that regarding marriage and sex, creativity isn’t unholy. Sexual creativity in marriage is acceptable for Christians.
In Proverbs 5:18-19 it says, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” (Emphasis added.) Now, I’ll leave the details of that text for scholarly exegesis, but suffice it to say, you should be able to glean from that reference that the Bible recommends passion in marriage. So be happy if your wife learns to be free and creative. Boundaries for health, safety and longevity of your marriage will always be prudent. But certainly, don’t make her feel guilty or ashamed.
You say she was a “Mother Teresa” before. Then the least prudent thing you could have done is to make her feel uncomfortable with what happened. You should have used the occasion for bonding. Yes, the genesis of the ‘Skilled Teresa’ may have been the Vodka, but you could have simply expressed your appreciation. She made herself vulnerable to you.
Now I don’t recommend using more alcohol to solicit the return of “Wild Teresa”. I do recommend that you use skill and charm (ie, service, tenderness, romance, including lyrics, gifts, quality time, creativity) to consistently unlock that person. Indeed, books and social media videos do teach sexual creativity. But maybe you could use some literature or media to sharpen up on becoming more skilled at charming her. What’s her love language? What uniquely blows her socks off? Where are her erogenous zones?
Is it possible she’s influenced by someone else? Yes. But I’m of the opinion she simply felt free to let down her hair, ie, her walls and her fears. The alcohol may also have simply given her an excuse. People are often longing to be sexually free and expressive. But many people are trapped by insecurities, fears, and even religious misinformation. I remind folks, “marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled”. Hebrews 13:4a.
I suggest you take her on a nice date and talk to her casually about how exciting things have become. No, don’t search her phone. Let her know you appreciate her and love her. And if you still feel that infidelity may be happening, then schedule a counselling session. Come in and discuss it. But I’d say, don’t worry. Be happy!
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
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