Hubby’s finding solace in his co-worker
Counsellor,
I never imagined that the same place that pays our bills would become the breeding ground for the slow breakdown of my marriage. Ironically, while balancing ledgers, two people forgot to balance morals.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve dreamed together, weathered storms, and celebrated victories. I truly believed we had matured into something secure, steady, if not perfect.
Earlier this year, I discovered he had developed an emotional connection with a co-worker. What began as long conversations and mutual admiration quietly grew into something more. She admired his ambition, his brilliance, and he fed off her attention. Eventually, that connection became physical. I didn’t learn this through a confession. I followed my intuition and uncovered the truth.
I have been trying to save what we had: expressing my pain, setting boundaries, and hoping he’d choose us. But he wavers. One day he wants to stay, the next he’s unsure. His emotional inconsistency leaves me anxious, disoriented, and deeply hurt.
What cuts the deepest is the timing. I stood by him through his lowest seasons, prayed for him, supported him, believed in him when he couldn’t believe in himself. I was there when the wins were few and the future was blurry. And now, just as we were stepping into the life we worked so hard to build, I’m the one being left behind.
He tells me, “It’s not your fault… you did nothing wrong.” But if I did nothing wrong, why do I feel so discarded? He says he simply likes her more. And somehow, I’m expected to make peace with that, to accept the betrayal, the abandonment, the sudden shift. When it was finally my turn to feel seen, celebrated, and supported, he turned away. That’s what makes this so heartbreaking. Not just the infidelity, but the cruelty of its timing.
We still share a home. Some days, he tries, bringing home dinner, offering kind words, a gentle touch. Other days, he withdraws. I feel invisible one moment and needed the next. The emotional whiplash is exhausting and yet I still find myself wondering:
•Am I wrong for still wanting to see the good in him?
•How do I stop feeling like the failure of this marriage rests on my shoulders?
•Can something so deeply broken be rebuilt, or am I holding on to a love that only exists in memory?
I’m holding onto my faith, but I am tired. I’m not seeking revenge, or even closure. I’m seeking clarity. Is it wise to keep trying? Or is it time to accept that the foundation has already crumbled? Most of all, how do I move forward, whether together or apart?
It’s ultimately not about the terms he lays down now, but about the terms you accept. Please remember YOLO (you only live once). So set an ultimatum. That’s reasonable. You are in a state of limbo — force a decision. And create a plan to take care of yourself. #Choose.
People will make their own choices. But don’t allow anyone to own your soul. Only God should. Don’t put the entire weight of your emotional needs and destiny on a person. They can’t bear that — your soul and future are too valuable to be handled so trivially. #Rise.
You aren’t wrong for wanting to see the good in him. But more so, treasure the good in you. You may need to give yourself space to think clearly. You know you haven’t failed, so you can’t be a failure. Don’t take on unnecessary burdens. You haven’t erred; he has. So honour your integrity and faithfulness with self-celebration, not self-condemnation. #Celebrate.
The relationship can only be rebuilt by his willing hands. If he’s not willing, it doesn’t exist. What adventures, exploration, and discoveries await you on the other side of this debacle! Don’t fear a new chapter, it may be the best part of your story. So, like a sown flower seed from the soil, arise. Here’s the opportunity to see the strongest, most beautiful version of yourself. #Blossom.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
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