These 6 things can make or break a marriage
I often tell women I coach that marriage is not just about walking down the aisle in a beautiful gown, it’s about what happens after the cake is eaten, the honeymoon is over, and real life begins. The first six months of marriage can set the tone for the years to come.
Many couples glide into marriage on the high of romance, only to discover that the reality of merging two lives is far more complex than choosing a wedding cake or planning a honeymoon. But here’s the good news: if you handle this delicate season with wisdom, honesty, and grace, your marriage can thrive.
Here are six things that can make or break your marriage in those crucial first months.
1) Unrealistic expectations
Many women (and men too) enter marriage expecting a fairytale. We imagine a flawless partner who will know our every need without us saying a word. But reality is different. Your spouse is human, with flaws, habits, and moods. When those imperfections show up—and they will—the disappointment can hit hard. What saves a marriage in this stage is adjusting expectations. Instead of perfection, expect partnership. Marriage is not about finding the perfect person, but about learning to love an imperfect person perfectly.
2) Money management
Nothing tests a marriage faster than finances. In the first six months, you’ll face real-world bills, spending styles, and financial priorities. Maybe one of you is a saver and the other a spender. Maybe there’s hidden debt that suddenly surfaces. How money is handled can create unity, or constant conflict. The key is transparency. Lay everything on the table — debts, goals, and habits — and decide together how money will be managed. A couple that budgets together builds together.
3) Boundaries with family and friends
In-laws, best friends, and even siblings can become unexpected stressors in early marriage. Maybe his mother calls too often, or your best friend feels left out and demands more time. If boundaries aren’t set early, resentment will build. Your marriage must become the primary bond. That doesn’t mean cutting people off, but it does mean protecting your union by putting your spouse first. Remember: it’s not just about two people marrying each other, it’s about two families and two worlds learning to coexist.
4) Intimacy (not just sex)
Many couples confuse sex with intimacy. While physical connection is vital, intimacy is deeper — it’s about vulnerability, sharing fears, dreams, and even insecurities. In the first six months, how you connect emotionally will determine the strength of your bond later on. If intimacy is ignored or one partner feels unfulfilled, it can create silent gaps that widen over time. My husband likes these moments when we just ‘talk’, about anything. I, on the other hand, do not like to talk too much when I’m home because I feel tired from always preaching or speaking professionally so I like my ‘me time’ of silence. But I’ve come to appreciate the need for ‘our time’ so we spend time talking and it has helped our marriage.
Don’t allow stress, work, or unresolved conflict to rob you of closeness. Marriage is not a “roommate arrangement”, it’s a covenant. Protect the spark by being intentional about intimacy, both inside and outside the bedroom. Be intentional about connecting, not just under the sheets, but through quality time, affection, and open-hearted conversations.
5) Communication styles
Marriage is essentially two communication systems colliding. Some people bottle things up; others talk too much but never listen. Miscommunication in the first six months can turn small disagreements into explosive fights. The survival skill here is learning how to express yourself without being accusatory and learning to argue fairly and listen actively. Listening to your partner is a key skill in communication. When you really begin to listen you will even hear what is not said and be able to proactively fix things. Instead of always wanting to be right, be willing to be wrong and apologise to keep the peace sometimes. Healthy communication is like oxygen to a marriage. Without it, love suffocates.
6) Conflict resolution
Every marriage will face disagreements — what makes or breaks you is how you handle them. Do you see your partner as an enemy to win against or a teammate to resolve things with? In the first six months, couples often establish patterns of conflict. If you choose avoidance, blame, or disrespect now, you may be digging a hole that’s hard to climb out of later. Learn to fight fair: listen, own your part, and aim for resolution, not victory.
The truth is, the honeymoon phase is not just about passion and bliss, it’s about laying bricks for the house you want to live in for years to come. A strong marriage doesn’t happen by chance, it happens by choice.
So if you’re newly married or preparing to be, guard those first six months like gold. Handle them with wisdom, and you’ll be amazed at how beautifully your union can flourish.
If you are in the early phase of marriage and you’re struggling, let’s talk about it. You can connect with me on my coaching website www.marieberbickcoach.com. We can work through it together.
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother, and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
Marie Berbick Bailey
