Redefining manhood in modern love
BACK in the day, a man’s worth was measured in three things: how hard he worked, how much he provided, and how little he complained.
If you could fix a leaky pipe, pay the light bill on time, and keep your woman “safe”, you were a real man. Nobody asked if you were happy, tired, or emotionally available. In fact, if you ever said the word “emotion”, people would probably hand you a drink and tell you to “man up”.
Then all that gave way to the demand for men to be more emotionally present, more mindful, more soft. But the recent hurricane and preparations for it, taught me that many people are still with the ‘back then’ mentality, and ‘soft’ men aren’t in league anymore.
I grew up seeing manly men everywhere — the men who loved deeply but silently. My father wasn’t one for big speeches; his “I love you” was fixing the fan before it got too hot to sleep. His romance language was responsibility.
Fact is, women have always had this love affair with the provider-protector model, even the modern woman who claims that she’s independent. It’s baked into our culture, and you feel it when there are situations where a man needs to step up and take care of a woman.
The world did shift, and these days plenty of women have their own paycheques, their own degrees, and their own plans. They don’t want a man to build the house, or to build anything with the man actually — until they want a man to batten the roof down for them.
A lot of us fellows are still catching up, to that soft spot between going 50-50 and being the protector when it counts. It’s confusing out here, because on the one hand women don’t want to build with men, and yet it’s the same men they call when the they want help that only a man can give.
Luckily, men were trained to lead, not to listen; to fix, not to feel, and to carry the load, not to share it.
The truth is, modern love can’t be about asking men to give up masculinity, it’s asking us to expand it.
Being a man in these times doesn’t mean you must be the walking ATM or the 24-hour security guard. It means showing up with muscle and also mindfulness.
We’re in the middle of a masculine rebrand, whether we like it or not. The protector is learning that sometimes protection looks like emotional honesty, and also keeping out the boogeyman at night.
Jevaughnie Smith is a communications professional. Send feedback to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
