Borrowed men, broken boundaries

TIKTOK influencer Brenay Kennard’s affair with her friends’s husband cost her US$1.75 million in a North Carolina, United States (US) court back in November, a verdict centred on State law where a spouse can still sue a third party for violating a marriage.

Many people have supported the aggrieved spouse, Akira Montague, when she took Kennard to court, after accusing her of having an affair with her now ex. A jury found Kennard liable for alienation of affection and criminal conversation, claims that allow a spouse to seek damages from a third party accused of interfering in a marriage. Only six States in the US still have this law on their books.

The view is that marriage as a protected relationship capable of legal injury, and complainants have been awarded as much as US$30 million, according to legal records.

What makes this latest case especially egregious is that Kennard, even after the civil judgement, appeared in court again last Thursday, accused of violating a restraining order, and continuing cyberstalking, harassment and bullying Mongtague, even after marrying the man at the centre of the problem. The ex husband eventually left his wife for Kennard.

“Some people choose relationships that strongly affirm their desirability over their value, and being chosen ”over“ a spouse can temporarily boost their self-esteem, especially for someone who feels insecure, overlooked or inadequate,” explained marriage counsellor Annette Palmer-Lowe.

“For some, the pursuit is less about the man, and more about the comparison with the wife. This can stem from unresolved rivalry, jealousy or a need to “win” to feel superior.”

She said she was just being supportive

Bre-Ann, 27:

She positioned herself as emotional support at church, always checking on my fiancé, asking how he was coping with stress in his new role as elder. What stood out was that she never reached out to me, never once. Over time, it became clear that she was slowly framing herself as the one who understood him best. I had to get him to nip that in the bud fast.

She “thought” we were separated

Kimmy, 32:

When I confronted this neighbour who had started calling my husband to do everything for her, and he was too nice to say no – and I mean EVERYTHING, including calling him at night because she heard “sounds” in her backyard – she claimed she believed our marriage was effectively over, even though we live in the same house, she followed me on social media, and interacted with our family photos. I don’t know where she got that idea, but she said she assumed “appearances” were misleading.

She always needed help

Kimari, 26:

This family friend frequently needed assistance like rides, errands and even emotional reassurance for her babyfather issues, and always during hours when I was not around. When I expressed discomfort to him, he told me I was being insecure. What I later realised was that repeated access creates familiarity, and familiarity creates opportunity, because they did end up getting together.

The boundaries were erased

Keisha, 40:

When I addressed the inappropriate messages that my nail tech was sending to my man, she dismissed them as harmless flirting and friendliness, and what she did with all her male clients, even though she had done his toes just ONCE. Yet if I didn’t borrow his phone I wouldn’t see the many messages between them. Harmless interactions rarely require secrecy, plus she was also being shady about the way I “allowed” him to look like he wasn’t being taken care of.

She was studying me

Lori, 38:

There was this one woman, his “work wife” he said, who I realised over time was less interested in him and more invested in me. She was on my social media liking every single post, and would talk to him about how I dressed, how I spoke and how I managed my home, and say she wish she had that. It felt as though she believed that stepping into my life would somehow resolve her own dissatisfactions.

“That’s just how men are”

Nordia, 30:

When I messaged the woman in his phone and asked her directly why she was pursuing a married man, she replied that men are naturally unfaithful. That response shocked me, because she placed the burden solely on me to tolerate it.