Sting 2009 will go down as perhaps the worst Sting ever in the history of the event. It was all about nothing. Save for the highly entertaining performance of Twins of Twins, the unbalanced clash between Kip Rich and General B, the arrival of Lisa Hype to centrestage and a few performances scattered throughout the night, there was no real entertainment value.

For the hordes of Sting faithfuls eagerly anticipating the one thing for which Sting is renowned — The Clash — there was none really worth talking about. Not even the two gunshots that rang out at 7:40 Sunday morning could compensate; not even the presence of Mrs Lorna Golding, the wife of the Prime Minister, could compensate. And, although hardly anyone seemed to care, the farce between Goofy and dancehall jester, LA Lewis — which the promoters were trying to pas off as a clash — didn’t even play out. Goofy, to his credit, was present in the venue, but LA Lewis obviously did a Houdini, because, word is that he pulled a disappearing act.

Could his sound booing off the stage at Ragashanti’s show on Christmas Day have had anything to do with LA’s absence from Sting?

It looked as if things were going to get steamy when Gaza princess Lisa Hype, still basking in unadulterated attention from her X-rated Internet debut, took to the stage to thunderous applause, followed by boos, but proceeded to make her mark, dissing all and sundry. Everyone was sure that Stacious, Lisa’s nemesis, would be next up, but it was not to be. We later learnt that Stacious, who has performed on Sting every year for at least five years, was not booked for the event.

Then, to add to the production flaws, there was a never ending line of upcoming artistes of all ages — most of whom possess questionable talent — whose presence dominated the Sting stage, so much so that patrons were left to wonder if they were at Sting or at auditions for Tastee Talent Contest. Even at 4:00 am, when Sting is usually in high gear, the monotony of no name talents on stage dragged on.

As for the “foreign invasion” segment, that was past ridiculous, it was downright ludicrous. The emcee paraded a long list of wannabes from all corners of the globe, at a point when patrons had no patience for that level of nonsense. Unfortunately, many of those acts didn’t last even 30 seconds as they were greeted with decisive boos from the crowd. Fortunately, the ‘no bottles’ policy was rigidly enforced.

It was announced during the night that the organisers of Sting were carrying out a survey and were asking patrons to co-operate with answering questions. Hopefully, the feedback generated will provide useful data in the planning of Sting 2010.