The heavens forbid

But that our loves and comforts should increase,

Even as our days do grow.

— Shakespeare, Othello, II, 1

NOW, that second line really caught my attention, where he says that our loves and comforts should increase. Is that a licence to live a life of hedonism, basking in the comforts of life’s pleasures, even as we increase our stock of love?

Truth be told, I subscribe to the maxim that overindulgence is its own reward, and virtue its own punishment. After all, if you love something, why not go for it? And lord knows, virtue can be a real pain in the butt, a real prison. No wonder many priests bruk out and give in to the pleasures of sexual gratification. They simply could not stand the confines of a virtuous life anymore and gave in to pleasures of the flesh. And mama mia, the spirit is willing and the flesh is willing, too.

But I am not here to judge, condemn or praise, but simply to examine the states of monogamy and polygamy. Both are practised by different people around the world, and both have their merits and demerits which we will examine right after these responses.

Hail Tony,

Regarding your article, Older Guys… pros and cons, I must say that it’s mostly pro for me. I am a youngish lady of 30 years and my husband is 69-years-old. Great number eh? We have a 39-year age difference, but he looks in his early 50s and acts 30, so I suppose that’s a big plus. Maybe I am lucky to have found a man who is experienced with age, but still looks young enough not to pass for an old man. I do see your point about the age difference, but trust me, there are some ‘young’ guys who act like old men and can’t match my man. I got lucky. He wears me out.

Melissa

Mr Robinson,

What in heavens name am I doing with a man old enough to be my father? Both your articles, Daddy Issues and Older Guys, touched the point. I have to think about my future, and pushing grandpa/husband around in a wheelchair while I am still in the prime of my youth is not a future that I look forward to. That said, if I still can’t find a man I would settle for an older guy, not to marry, but to set me up.

Victoria

Teerob,

What business is it of anybody whether a young woman wants to be with an old man or not? Could it be any worse than being with an abusive, gambling, drinking, womanising man? As long as he is a good, decent man and I’m attracted to him, who cares? I’d be with an older guy…but not too old though, after all, a girl’s got needs.

Danielle

I saw some startling statistics coming out of the Ministry of Health that stated that the average man in Jamaica has six different sex partners every year, and women have three different partners. I’m sorry that I missed the age bracket though, but I shall find out. Still, that’s a lot of juggling.

When I shared this information with some friends of mine, the ladies echoed disbelief, asking me where I got that data from, while the men simply looked to the ceiling, smiled and drifted away. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, and it all depends on how you are socialised.

If you are a wife who’s married to the same man for 30 years and never had another man before, during, and won’t after him, then those statistics would make you have doubts. It’s just not your reality; monogamy is your reality. But if you’re a player, and you have a string of women, then, now and hopefully in the future, it’s no big news, and in fact you may think, “Six different women per year, I must catch up… fill my quota.”

Which is better, monogamy or polygamy, sticking to one partner faithfully, or flashing your whip like Lash Larue if you’re a man, or females giving it away to every man like the town ho? The debate rages, and remember, I am not here to judge, but simply to lay the facts on the table. Who can say what is right or wrong, for remember what George Bernard Shaw said, “Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature.”

Truth be told, logic, nature, history and reality all favour polygamy. I use the term loosely of course, meaning multiple partners. After all, it is most natural. It’s when the restrictions are applied in the form of monogamy, single partner, that the problems arise.

Remember when they had the prohibition laws in America, banning liquor? All that people did was go underground, drink more and create an illicit bootleg industry that had no equal. People will hook up and pledge themselves to each other, but the natural order of the universe, that is polygamy, rips at the very fabric of their commitment and they are rent asunder. At least their ‘moral fibre’ is, according to society. It’s then labelled cheating.

If polygamy was not natural, then everyone would not have the urge to be with other people, even as they are betrothed to each other. And don’t play hypocrite either, for you jolly well know that you, too, fall into the category of polygamist, practising or latent. Some may act on it, while others have secret desires, lusts, cravings, needs, wants… but simply don’t carry them out.

It makes no difference, for ‘the thought is as bad as the deed’, sayeth the Bible. And speaking of the good book, in those pages are numerous instances of polygamy, all practised by great men — kings, emperors, potentates, rulers who knew what a good thing was. Oh it’s good to be the king, and like the man said, overindulgence is its own reward.

Even so, society still tries to put a lid on polygamy, hiding behind the curtain of hypocrisy, frowning on it, making laws against it, even as they snicker and do it. I do know of people who have been married for many years, and the very thought of them waking up and making love to the same person for 30 or 40 years is mind-boggling. There is more than one way to skin a cat, yes, but after a while you’re going to exhaust your options.

Imagine getting married at age 25, knowing that’s it, as far as sexual variety goes, never knowing the thrill of feeling someone new… forever? Of course, they will say that marriage is sacred and is to be preserved, and all that, but in most cases that I know of, at least one partner has had a little dalliance on the side, a little sweetening of the pot, a little spice for variety, and then retreat to the illusion and hypocrisy of their so- called monogamy.

Prostitutes who were interviewed worldwide all said the same thing: “Ninety per cent of our clients are married men.” Fact, not fiction. And yet those same married men will swear that they are monogamous and happily married to the same woman for eons and revel in their righteous indignation. It’s a fact of life that the occasional dipping of the pen in the forbidden ink keeps many marriages together, but it’s invisible ink, so shhhh, no one has to know.

Still, monogamy has its place, with health concerns being at the top of the list. As the campaign slogan says, ‘stick to one faithful partner’ and lessen your chances of contracting any disease. That’s a plus for monogamy. If you only have one partner, there is absolutely no chance of you getting any of those horrid diseases associated with sex, such as those STDs like syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, warts and even crabs… and of course, the dreaded HIV/AIDS. That’s a big plus for monogamy, and would let any sane, thinking person adopt that lifestyle.

But sanity is a scarce commodity. So, as with all things that look good, there is a downside. Sure, you’re safe from all those sex health issues, but there is punishment for your virtue. There is the aspect of boredom of being with the same partner forever, taking each other for granted, plus the dreaded spite, which is usually the domain and weapon of women.

When you are monogamous and she decides to withdraw her services, withhold sex from you, lock shop for whatever reason, what do you do, where do you go, how do you survive? If you were polygamous it would not matter, as men who have more than one woman concurrently, do not suffer from this malady of ‘not having sex because she vex.’

If a man’s wife gets sick, loses interest in sex, gets angry with him and withholds the goodies or even goes away, he needs a back-up, and polygamy offers that back-up. Hey, even the best cars have a spare tyre in the trunk.

But alas, there is also a downside to polygamy, for no system is perfect. It can prove to be expensive, that’s why only the very wealthy — kings, lords, rulers and such — could afford to have many women at their beck and call. Just ask any man how costly it is to have many women as his stock.

Then there are health issues that I mentioned before, and unfortunately the sexual playing field isn’t what it used to be. There are so many viruses and bacteria floating around out there that polygamy can be a downright scary prospect. And remember, when you have six women for the year, you can’t know how many men they had before you, or even now while you are romancing them. It’s a mathematical, geometrical, law-of- probability nightmare.

Remember that every time you sleep with a woman, you also virtually sleep with every man who slept with her before you. So that’s a big red flag for polygamy. What a crosses for us, caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, stuck between a rock and a hard place, damned if you do and damned if you don’t, if you catch my drift.

Like I said, I’m not here to judge, but merely present the facts. It’s up to you whether you want to embrace the philosophy and practice of monogamy or experience the joys, sexual variation and thrills of polygamy. It’s a tough call. Hypocrites, please don’t even cast your vote.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Some more figures out of the Ministry of Health state that the incidence of HIV/AIDS has fallen significantly among sex workers (prostitutes) which shows that the education campaign is getting through to them and they are practising safe sex. Where it has increased though, is among the MSMs (male sex with male) group. The question is, why is the message not getting through to the male gay sector? The figures for teenagers have not changed much, and I personally know teenagers who practice unsafe sex even though they hear the messages and see the campaign in action. Somehow they feel as if they are immune. Teenagers are always a challenging group.