Some glory in their birth,

Some in their skill,

Some in their wealth,

Some in their body’s force…

And every humour has its adjunct pleasure,

Wherein it finds a joy above the rest.

— Shakespeare, Sonnet 91

OH, how I love that sonnet, as it speaks of the joy and pleasure that some people get from various things. Some in their skill, as they can juggle a ball or shoot three-pointers, others their wealth, as they can make money at the drop of a hat, while others their body’s force. Hmm…their body’s force… I can just imagine plenty joy and pleasure from that.

We seek pleasure and indulge to find joy, and indeed the hedonistic lifestyle is sought after by many, even as others frown upon it. But back to the part about the body’s force and finding glory, pleasure and joy in it. Nuh muss sex dem talking about? And that’s a force to be reckoned with.

Sex…the activity that not only brings us pleasure, but is also necessary for the continuation of our species. But should we actually find pleasure in sex, or is it solely for procreation, for making babies, to make sure that mankind continues to exist? The jury is out and it’s a moot topic, one which we’ll explore right after these letters from justified single women.

Dear Tony,

After reading your article on Justified Single Women, I feel I must share my thoughts on this topic, since the article missed one important fact. As a very content single woman myself, I really must ask if it has occurred to you that, like being single, being married is merely a choice that women have earned? We choose to be either married or single, and that’s the crux of the matter. Done! Neither is better or worse than the other, but we have the right to choose!

Paula Powell

Hi Tony,

Professional women today may not even feel the need because a lesser number of eligible men exist, they may have to ‘marry down’ and some are not prepared to do this. I am not saying women do not want to get married, what I am saying is that more and more women do not wish to, under the ‘old’ expectations of husband and wife, because the traditional marriage does not fill their needs. Also, many women do not want to share the wealth, or marry down and support a ‘house husband’. Marriage is a very dynamic issue these days, and I do believe, and I may be wrong, that you are looking at it from a ‘yesteryear’s’ perspective. I wonder if women are looking at marriage as a security issue like they used to in those days, or are they really looking at it as I feel they should — for life partnership. Women today are looking for partners to share responsibilities, not treat them like a maid.

Patricia

Now on to the sticky issue of sex for pleasure or procreation. It is indeed one of life’s greatest ironies that anything that we love too dearly, we are told not to do too much of it. Don’t eat too many sweets, they’re bad for your teeth and may cause diabetes; don’t party too much; don’t have too much sex; don’t masturbate. It seems as if whatever brings pleasure we must be deprived of.

Much of this comes from the church, and by no means am I criticising the church and the rules that it wants to decree, but those rules have kept mankind in check for centuries and have stifled many of the simple pleasures that we wish to partake of. So much so, that some churches have decreed that sex is only for procreation, to bring babies into the world, and certainly not for pleasure.

This has resulted in many women joining church and stop having sex with their spouses…because it’s not for pleasure. Or if they do indulge, they lay there, stiff as plyboard, not moving an inch, not showing even a glimpse of pleasure, for parson, the church, and their mothers before them told them that to enjoy sex is a mortal sin.

“Whatever you do, don’t show any sign say you enjoying it. Clench yu teet an shut yu eye.” What often happens is that those people have lots of children, for the husband declares that, “Well, since it’s not for pleasure but for making babies, let’s make a baby tonight, and tomorrow night, and the night after that, just to make sure.” Have you ever wondered why many poor couples have so many children, ranging from five, six, to even 10? Same father, same mother, 10 siblings. That’s because they found a way to beat the system, by having sex, not for pleasure, but to make babies, and lots of them.

But why do some people hold fast to the notion that sex is not to be enjoyed? After all, almost every species known to man indulges in sex of some kind, with many doing it not only to procreate, but for pleasure. Okay, let’s rule out those animals that mate only once a year, that’s strictly for procreation. Come to think of it, some married couples also fall into that category… and they are as miserable as cats taking a bath. At least the man is.

Many wives watch Discovery Channel and bring this fact to their husband’s attention. “See Honey, the Madagascar Wild Bandicoot only mates once a year, and they still survive.” But there are animals that indulge in sex purely for the pleasure of it. Many primates, including apes, monkeys, chimpanzees, indulge in sex for pleasure, as do many species of whales and dolphins. Thar she blows. They do it for the sheer pleasure and ecstasy. So why not man, who’s supposed to be intelligent and the dominant species on the planet?

Who decreed that this activity that brings so much joy should not be indulged in, should not be enjoyed and should not bring pleasure and happiness? Maybe the powers that be really hated to see their minions enjoying themselves, and therefore ordered that no one should have such fun. Worse, it was free, and couldn’t be taxed.

Sex could not be indulged in unless permitted by the king. Indeed, fornication was a sin, and still is in certain states in the USA. If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure that fornication is still against the law in Jamaica. I shall research that and get back to you, or perhaps some legal mind can let me know.

Adultery is also legally and morally wrong, and remember, adultery is strictly sex for pleasure, but unfortunately at the displeasure of the woman’s husband, or the man’s (who you’re sneaking around with) wife. See, sex for pleasure again, and forbidden by law.

A famous man was once asked to give a speech on the topic of sex for procreation or pleasure. So he calmly walked to the podium before the packed auditorium, took the microphone and calmly said, “Sex… ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure,” then left to rapturous applause. Whether that story is true or merely urban legend I do not know, but it sure sums up what many, if not most people, make that men, think about sex.

Many people in high places are opposed to condom use… no pinch, no inch… no roll, for having sex with a condom is definitely only for pleasure. The preferred choice is abstinence, do without, wait until you find the right partner, then have sex once per year to make a baby. And yet the pleasure principle continues to overreach the procreation only principle. Even in some churches the priests have to take a vow of celibacy. “Now that you’re within these walls, Father… no sex for you…. ever.” Hey, I know some husbands who have to endure forced celibacy and they aren’t even priests, but that’s an entirely different matter.

Many people in high places are opposed to condom use… no pinch, no inch… no roll, for having sex with a condom is definitely only for pleasure. The preferred choice is abstinence, do without, wait until you find the right partner, then have sex once per year to make a baby. And yet the pleasure principle continues to overreach the procreation only principle. Even in some churches the priests have to take a vow of celibacy. “Now that you’re within these walls, Father… no sex for you…. ever.” Hey, I know some husbands who have to endure forced celibacy and they aren’t even priests, but that’s an entirely different matter.

The pleasures of the flesh must be taken away, and yet, there are few greater pleasures, if any, than sex… good sex. But it is taboo. I hear people talking about it, I see it in the advice columns, it’s on the late night talk shows. People are confused. They have this burning desire, this unbridled passion, this unquenchable thirst boiling up inside them… yet they are told that they must put it aside and reserve it only for continuation of the species.

It’s as if sex is the biggest sin of all. And if you really examine it, even though the Bible says that all sin is equal, somehow sex got top billing as the number one sin. Oh, in church you can lie, steal, vandalise, curse and be forgiven, but anything to do with sex is almost unforgivable. “Oh, that young girl indulged in pleasures of sex, throw her out… whore, harlot, Jezebel.”

“That parson has slept with the choir mistress, defrock him.”

“Sister Enid slept with the deacon, they should be cast into a pit of damnation.”

And yet, other sins are not treated so harshly. My word, people are publicly stoned for having sex, yet pardoned for murder or stealing. Why is so much weight put on pleasure, yet if a couple has eight children and can’t support them, they are not cautioned or chastised? “Go forth and multiply, but don’t you dare enjoy it.”

Sex for pleasure or for procreation, what do you think? And don’t ask your wife what answer you should give either.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Now an international storm in a teacup is brewing because of the allegations by this Jamaican woman who says that she was humiliated by a body cavity search done by Barbadian immigration officers. I don’t know whether her claim is true or not, but what I do know is that many acts of indignity have been carried out against friends of mine who have visited that country. I believe her, though. My doctor friend was shouted at and told to “Get out of the immigration area”, as he waited for his colleagues. My other friends were humiliated and treated like thieves, even though they were professional people. The truth is, many small island people do not like us. We are too confident, too proud, self-assured and talented. We brought our music to the world, which dominates their airwaves, and even religion in the form of Rastafari has spanned the globe; our women are beautiful, our athletes are world class. Travel the world and tell someone that you’re from Barbados and see the blank expression. But say that you’re Jamaican and watch the reaction. Envy and red eye is a terrible combination. They don’t like us, but want to be like us.