We have suffered at the hands of poor leadership, divisiveness, distraction, and if we don’t get focused we will still be poor in 2062. Education is the key, so let us get it right this time. We have been faffin’ around with patois and now Jamiekan and we need a decision. Every time we attempt to improve education this nonsense gets legs. English is used in 199 nations and patois is spoken by one nation. English is not about England, as America, Japan (technology), Jamaica, India (reggae street life and Bollywood) innovate a lot in English. It has dialects as Scouse, Cockney, Essex, Sheng (East Africa), Hinglish (India), Franglais (France), Gullah (USA). Patois is a dialect of English and uses English phonetics. English is our national language, patois is our soul language and Jamiekan is the masterwork of intellectuals. I respect and applaud them, but we are not ready for navel gazing. We have work to do. We own English. Let’s use it to get where we want to go. Miss Lou used impeccable English and patois; Jamiekan is fresh-minted and unknown. We are behind and cannot afford another detour. Our future is in our own hands. Choose wisely.

The Jamiekan Bible is a tribute to foreign donors and skilled locals. It is garnish to the CVs of academics but may be a distraction to our kids’ education. It could derail many lives. The idyllic view of a Jamiekan reader intoning John 3:16 to a patois speaker – illiterate in every language known to man, is not on. Get active, start with module 1 of the virtual High School Diploma offered by the Jamaica Foundation for Lifelong Learning and the Jamaica Library Service, and get a job. The hegemony of Empire is bolstered by this Trojan horse. Patois is not essential to our kids’ education, and anyone who messes with their future is not a friend of the poor. We can learn English like others. In Spanish class they say don’t use English, think in Spanish and use it – immersion. We have some kids who can read and write Spanish, yet struggle with English. We don’t need to learn English via patois. Would an Ebonics or American language Bible help their blacks or whites learn English? We see a Bible in a fabricated Babel tongue for poor Jamaicans? I smell a rat. England has many atheists – Grayling, Dawkins, Hitchens; they need a Cockney Bible or an Essex Bible more than we do, but they won’t write one for their own, will they? Just because the Empire gives us money to do something is no reason to do it. So it’s not our money, “duh!” my point exactly! These gifts distract poor people from education, self-reliance and prosperity. They make “the poor will always be with us” a self-fulfilling proposition! Let it go; this one is tainted.

This Bible is an intellectual triumph. End of story! Parents and teachers must take a stand. Will it make the school book list? New patois school books? The poor can take no more! Let’s be clear. Patois is our soul. Our problem is not patois, it’s English. You can tell the school our sports stars attend by their English. We want the best for all our kids. The media is awash with people who think they use English. Print media is OK; the electronic media is cringe-worthy. Did your kids colour by numbers? Many speak English as if by numbers. Priests use English; church people who use English are in jobs, so gospel acts make money. Check dancehall – they use more patois, have more unemployable youth and smaller revenues! English pays!

So, English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) or a Second Language (ESL) is the answer. Maybe! We did the Test (TOEFL) to get jobs and into universities abroad. The French, Chinese, Indian people sat them, but we were beset with what Minister Thwaites calls the “arrogance of English”. Others need ESL. We “bigga dan dat!” TOEFL is now used by border agencies as proficiency is the key, not exam passes. I was asked to do it in England and objected, but they know we give away degrees like candy and some get A’s in English or Spanish, and cannot speak it. TEFL in the UK is done privately. London schools have kids who speak many languages and none learns via his native tongue. Can schools hire teachers in Swahili, Polish, Jamaican, Hindi to interpret English lessons? Schools teach in English. Students from Africa and Asia speak good English and so the major black English actors are from India and Africa as they speak English with authenticity. Few Jamaicans do. We have to make up our minds. Will we ask diplomats’ kids to learn English via patois? Or, given child rights, get Swahili or Dutch teachers for them? If we teach kids English alone – nothing else – between ages one to six, their future is secure. If parents want English, speak up so they don’t handicap your kids with experiments they use for scholarly dissertations. The Jamiekan Bible is ahead of its time and should be given to us free of cost as they were all paid to do the work. If not, go make your profits abroad.

Our kids need an education. Mere literacy is not enough in 2012. How should we teach English? What do others do? First, it is important to hear English from the second trimester in the womb; mothers turn on BBC or Al Jazeera – avoid American TV. Add soothing music through infant school. My neighbours from Poland took kids to London and after two years in school they spoke English – mainly in school alone as their parents spoke Polish. Our parents speak patois, so I know our teachers can do it. Next, kids in Suriname are taught in Dutch and learn English by watching TV. Then, India has many languages and millions speak English. How? They copy BBC radio. Finally, may we return to the days of grammar, spelling, writing, reading (as in TEFL)?

Before we spend, millions on patois projects in schools, let’s try these normal, cheap options. Diplomats’ children at my daughter’s school learnt English and patois and were near top of the class in their second year. If you immerse a child in a language, he learns it. Why, after 200 years of being taught English by English speakers, are students so inept? We have Jamaicans on BBC speaking flawless English. Many of us speak, read and write English and Miss Lou’s patois. No one knows Jamiekan but the linguists who made it up. Will they rewrite Miss Lou? The cardinal rule is: speak a language like the natives. Spanish and French teachers tell kids to listen to TV and copy it. With ESL, will we speak Jamaican English or speak like the best English natives? We speak French like the French now, and many get compliments for their Spanish. Experts, you tell me. Stay conscious, my friend!

Corruption in the academy

We had one, two, three now 14 universities, and rumours of an active trade in honorary degrees, associate and full professorships abound. For a plot of land or special favours the “Chair in Utter Stupidity” may be yours. They say no one is robbed and so no one is hurt. Maybe so, but can the powers to grant degrees be used corruptly? Farewell, Greg Christie, we already miss you. Watch this space!

Dr Franklin Johnston is a strategist, project manager and advises the minister of education.

franklinjohnstontoo@gmail.com