What danger will it be to us,

Maids as we are,

To travel forth so far!

Beauty provokes thieves,

Sooner than gold.

— Shakespeare, As You Like It, I, 3

Not only does beauty provoke thieves more than gold, it also provokes men who are not thieves too. So much so, that even modern-day maidens can’t even travel in peace in public or private places for fear of being harassed. If they do, they are considered prey, and are harangued until kingdom come until a voice says, “Harass no more.” For that reason a lady actually wrote in the papers a few weeks ago, “My vagina is not public property.”

She was so upset at what happened to her that she was behoved to tell her story. She chronicled the experience of how she was walking in public, paused to cross the road, when a man stopped his car and fondled her breasts. When she slapped him and chided him about his actions, his response was that it’s because she looked so good he was simply expressing his admiration for her. What temerity, what cheek, what gall!

But who was wrong and who was right? And was she half-wrong and he half-right? Was she dressed in a provocative manner, and what if she did, isn’t it her right? The case could be made that women dress in a teasing way, hinting that men should not only look, but talk and touch. Men see that as a ticket to ride. But does dressing that way give a man the right to harass a woman?

And what is harassment and what is admiration? All these questions will be touched, fondled, caressed, right after these slaps to the face about ‘Love, sex, money’.

Hi Tony,

The best scenario is the couple falling madly in love with each other, having passionate sex and very little money between them. As the years go by, with their love growing deeper and the sex getting better, their financial situation improves. The end result is that money is no longer a problem for both of them. Their love, sustained over time, is proved to be real, making the sex more meaningful without the motive of money, and they lived happily ever after…the end.

Gerry

Hey Teerob,

Love, sex, money. It all depends if you’re a man or a woman. Women can live without sex, but need to have love and money. Men can live without love and money, but have to get sex. Just look at the thousands of broke-ass men with a string of babymothers behind them. As long as they’re having sex, they’re okay. So many women get married, love the man, get their hands on his money, yet limit or refuse sex with him. It’s a gender thing.

Caroline

Harassment of any kind is a terrible thing, and only if you’re a victim can you comprehend how traumatic, painful, and disgusting it is. But what really is harassment, and how can it be proven? It is said that there is the subtle verbal, or even non-verbal harassment, as opposed to the obvious physical touching or groping of the victim. The subtle type is not so easy to discern, as there is a grey area between harassment and admiration.

A lady is walking down the street, dressed in the most impy skimpy shorts that leaves nothing to the imagination and shows what only her gynaecologist is supposed to see. Her blouse is as tiny as a fairy’s scarf, and as wispy as a butterfly’s wing and shows more skin than a bikini does. She sashays down the street in high heels and swings her hips like a belly dancer, and is the object of catcalls, whistles, shouts and blown kisses. Cars screech to a halt. “Hey baby, you look fine. I want to be with you, be my lady.”

Now, clearly that lady dressed the part of a provocateur and knew that she would have that effect on men. She got the desired result. Is it then fair that she complains about harassment, when in essence she was being admired? I’m sure she would be shattered if she walked down the street and not even one man cast a glance in her direction. “Maybe I should walk back three more times to get their attention.”

Now, you’re going to say that a woman should be able to dress any way she likes without fear of harassment. But would you walk down the street with bags of money sticking out of your pockets? If you expose flesh, you will attract carnivores. “Beauty’s princely majesty is such, confounds the tongue, and makes the senses rough.” — Shakespeare, Henry IV, V, 3.

Still, that’s the irony of harassment versus admiration, for women are miffed if men don’t admire and call to them. Plus, it all depends on who’s doing the calling too. If it’s someone who she likes, it’s okay, but if it’s a creep, she’ll be disgusted. “Facety bwoy, pass him place, who him think him is?!”

Now, my wife is statuesque, almost six feet, with striking looks, so men are always calling to her. At times it annoys her. But I tell her to enjoy it as long as it’s not disrespectful. She must start worrying when they stop calling to her, I say. There are women who would love it if a man called to them even occasionally. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m invisible, as no man ever calls to me.”

The non-verbal harassment is even more difficult to detect, for men have been cited for harassment when it was really a speck of dust in their eye that they were trying to get out by blinking. “I tell you, he kept winking at me from across the room, officer… disgusting creep.” Some men may blow the woman a kiss and she complains of harassment. “He pursed his lips and blew me a kiss, it was horrible, I felt so violated.”

Another man may stick out his tongue at the woman and she cries harassment. In many cases the men were merely expressing their admiration of the woman, and it’s the only way they know. Some guys get verbal, and may say things that are really unsavoury. But is simply calling to a woman and expressing admiration a case of harassment? “Lady, you looking fine, I must be in heaven, for you’re an angel.”

Men get it too, for I remember when I used to ride my bicycle around town in my shorts, women would ogle and call to me all the time. “Hey, love those strong legs, looking fine.” I took it in good stride and humour. Up to a week ago a young lady came up to me and said, “You’re so cute, I like you.” Honest. I didn’t cry harassment, in fact I felt flattered, and when I told my better half, she said that it’s good to know that I still got it.

When they touch, though, now that’s a different kettle of fish. That lady who wrote that her vagina was not public property had every right to slap that guy, even if it may have posed a danger to her. A person’s body is sacred, and even I don’t want any strange woman touching or groping me.

Now, I have been touched, fondled, groped, felt-up, squeezed, pinched and poked. But that was on my honeymoon, so I had no problem with it. In fact, it continues to this day and I welcome it.

But when a complete stranger, an acquaintance or co-worker does it, then it’s no laughing matter and is not admiration, but abject harassment. Again, there are grey areas, for at the recently concluded Commonwealth Games, one athlete accused another of harassment because the guy’s fingers touched his scrotum when he asked him to adjust his jockstrap for him. Maybe his fingers lingered a bit too long on the guy’s cojones, maybe not. First of all, I’m not asking any guy to adjust my jockstrap, but that’s just me.

Maybe the guy touched him by accident, who knows? The fact is, it’s now a cause for concern and has to be proven in court.

Then some gynaecologists have also been accused of harassment for inappropriate touching. How can the accuser tell if the doctor is working down there or playing? And if a proctologist examines a gay man, can he be accused of harassment as he pokes around where the sun doesn’t shine?

Many women are having a field day in the USA as they sue men for harassment, and many men are getting away with overt and covert harassment under the guise of admiration. If your elbow accidentally brushes against her breast, you could end up in jail. “Your honour, it was unintentional, I never even saw her beautifully sculpted 36D cups.”

Some cases are valid, others are not. So the question often remains, is it harassment or admiration?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: As we’re still in the month of Independence, I was sent these quotes from my good friend Carmen Clarke.

“Independence? That’s middle-class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul on Earth.” — George Bernard Shaw, playwright, author.

“True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.” — Franklin D Roosevelt, former US president.