Bring forth men children only,

For thy undaunted mettle should compose

Nothing but males.

– Shakespeare,Macbeth I, 7

So said Macbeth to his wife, in an age when men were men and boys were allowed to grow up out of the clutches of adhesive mothers. But be careful what you wish for, for you may certainly get it.

Basil Dawkins has a play titled Guilt Trip, that takes more than a cursory glance at the mother/son/father relationship and how it impacts on the relationship between the son and the father. It’s really good theatre that every parent, especially those with sons, should see.

Many mothers may see themselves portrayed on the stage, but then again, they may not, for no mother alive who spoils her child is aware that she is doing that. Denial is the forte of many mothers with sons.

So life does imitate art, for we often see how tragic and dysfunctional the relationship between a mother and son and the other victim, the father, can be.

That’s who we will look at today, so join me for a session on the couch, as we see what goes on between the mother, her son, and the father. We’ll see how it pans out right after these responses to ‘Decent men’.

Hello Mr Robinson,

In your article you quoted a woman who will settle for an Irishman. I am an Irishman in Jamaica on business right now, and I am perplexed as to the meaning of ‘settling for an Irishman’. Could you explain what is meant by that please?

Regards

Tom G

Hi Tony,

It appears that the young woman who thinks that all men are bad must have had limited experience with the opposite sex, and with bad men at that. Did she conduct any research on this issue, or was it only her opinion based on her limited experience? No man or woman is perfect, but most are good and there are different degrees of goodness.

Patrick

Hi there,

I agree with all your sentiments. I am from St Vincent.

Daverson

There is a different kind of chemistry between a mother and her son that occurs nowhere else in nature. This bond is not as powerful between a father and daughter, father and son, or mother and daughter. This is not my opinion, but is actually the finding of research done by eminent scientists.

But it doesn’t take a scientist to tell you that, as you can see it manifest itself right before your very eyes, to varying degrees, of course. Some mothers simply do not let go of their sons, and only reel out the umbilical cord at varying lengths so that he thinks that he’s free from her grasp. That’s assuming he wants to be free, for some sons relish this mollycoddling. Still, it’s only a matter of time before she reels him in like the skillful angler that she is.

Believe it or not, I saw a report where a mother was breastfeeding her 24-year-old son. Strange and weird. But trust me, there are mothers who would do exactly that if they could get away with it.

This came out in Basil’s play, when the father asked the mother: “When are you going to let go of your son and let him find a woman?… or, do YOU plan to marry him?” In reality, this has been thought of implied, and said to mothers many times by men, ranging from: “Your son is your man?”, “You and yu son deh together?” All because of the extreme closeness and bond between the mother and son. Some may say it borders on an Oedipus Complex relationship.

Oedipus, you may recall from Greek mythology, fell in love with his mother, killed his father and married her. This is not usually the case, but some mothers are so obsessed by their feelings for their sons that they are blinded and cannot see or hear any reasoning or objective logic if anyone dares to say anything about her behaviour. It’s best to keep your mouth shut and stay out of mother/son business. “Who you texting, my son?”

“Who you calling, my son?”

“Who you Facebooking, my son?…leff me and me son alone!”

True, it has been said that when a mother watches her son marching in a parade, she will comment that: “Everyone else is out of step except my son.” Some mothers can see no wrong in their sons, leading to their dysfunction. Could there be any link to this warped mother/son relationship and the high crime rate among men that we are experiencing?

Mothers always had a special bond with their sons, but in this modern era, many seem to have taken it to a perverse level. Even recently I was talking to a mother who still picked up her son from school. He’s in sixth form and is a hulking six-footer and weighs 240 pounds. When I tried to show her the error of her ways, she stated that she saw nothing wrong with her actions.

That boy will never grow, never be independent, will always be in emotional diapers and always depend on mummy. I told her that if my mother attempted to pick me up from school when I was in sixth form at KC, I would run and hide with shame. Can you imagine the ribbing I’d be subjected to? “Haha, Rabbi mummy come to pick him up. Where’s your nipple bottle Rabbi?” Rabbi, that’s what they used to call me back then.

To take it further, some mothers continue to fight all of their grown sons’ battles for them, never allowing them to stand on their own two feet and face challenges and life’s reality, to deal with people, take some blows, and triumph over adversity on their own.

“Say what, the mechanic overcharge you? Just let me go and deal with him for you.”

Every little thing mummy steps in to sort it out, even though the son is 32 years old and working. I know of at least one friend of mine whose marriage crumbled because of this. He called his mother for everything, totally alienating his wife, until she could take it no more. “He doesn’t need a wife, he has his mother,” was what she said.

At least some sons are allowed to work, but there is a long list of sons who still live in the comfort of their mother’s home, snuggled beneath her wings. Yet they continue to make excuses for them. “Oh, everywhere he works the boss doesn’t like him, so he just cuss them off and come home.”

Hey, I almost forgot, where’s the father in all this? Some fathers are worthless and delinquent for sure, leaving the mother all alone to not only raise the boy, but pay all the financial stuff such as school fees and more. It’s only after the boy makes something of his life that the dad jumps in boasting, “Is my boy dat.”

This can have an even worse effect on the mother/son relationship, as she’s now mother and father to the boy. Sadly, a mother cannot be a father. Although some think that they can pull that one off, even as they blame the father for every ill imaginable, even genes. “Is your father dutty bad ways you inherit.”

Others resist all input from fathers who try to positively impact their sons’ lives. Everything that he says or suggests for the welfare of the boy is met with resistance and condemnation. Is it that some mothers think that it’s only they who are capable of loving a son, or wanting what’s good for him? This usually results in a perennial battle with the mother. Some fathers get tired of this constant feuding and simply walk away. So sad for the son.

And yet, the mothers do not treat their daughters in the same way, and I have mentioned in previous articles the numerous mother/daughter conflicts that abound. Is there any link to the feminisation of many of our boys? I do recall someone once writing about the sissyfication of our males.

I am not alone in this thinking, scientists have explored it, Basil Dawkins’ play examines the theme, but the only persons who can’t see the forest for the trees are mothers with sons. Even now I can hear some of them screaming, “What damn rubbish he is talking, I’m fine with my son.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Well, I’m finally on Facebook. Founder Mark Zuckerberg will be pleased. I resisted for years but had to give in, thanks to broadcaster Tony Patel. After attending a Jamaica Broadcasting Corporation (JBC) reunion, Tony posted some photos onFacebook and told me to view them there. I had no choice but to ‘join the 21st Century’, as my new ‘friends’ tell me. I resisted because I already have e-mail, BB Messenger and texts, and didn’t want any more clutter. In the first two days I got over 200 ‘friend requests.’ My BlackBerry and laptop are swamped with these requests. Clutter or communications? Anyway, look out for my spiel on my experiences at the now defunctJBC next week. I was a part of history.