“Boys will be boys”. Odds are, you’ve heard that phrase used as an explanation or excuse for poor or reprehensible male behaviour at least a handful of times in your life. And when one doesn’t hear the actual words the sentiment still seems to permeate the air somehow.

Growing up I don’t remember either of my parents using those words to justify anything my older brother did, but between school and television I got the message loud and clear: boys shouldn’t always be held responsible for their own acts. It didn’t take years of learning or even deep reflection for me to begin to think that this wasn’t fair, as even as a preteen I recall wondering where was the equivalent of this acquiescing for girls.

However, as I grew up the phrase continued to rub me the wrong way but for different reasons. Female indignation at the phrase for the simple reason mentioned before is no less valid, but where is everyone’s indignation? I began to wonder.

‘Boys will be boys’ undersells male intelligence by unfortunately suggesting that boys are not smart enough or emotionally and psychologically able to appreciate things (generally basic things) that their female counterparts are able to grasp. And if that isn’t bad enough ‘boys will be boys’ gets applied to situations involving TEENs and young adults and in that way affords an easy cop out to men that are most definitely old enough to appreciate most concepts. So, simply put, not only are boys believed to be kind of stupid but that grown men are often also just as emotionally and mentally daft as little boys.

Whichever one wins out in your mind – righteous feminist indignation or the belief that this phrase undersells male capabilities – it’s probably time to retire ‘boys will be boys’ and our more local ‘ah just so man stay’ from our vernacular. These feed into a stereotyped and poor view of male intelligence and not only excuse reprehensible behaviour but do not encourage male growth and responsibility emotionally and psychologically. They do us no good.