For men, like butterflies,

Show not their mealy wings,

But to the summer.

— Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida III, 3

I know that the common talk is that it’s a man’s world, men rule, and women are second class and are often disenfranchised. In many cases it is so, but I also know that men get a raw deal in this life, especially when it comes to dealing with women. Sure, when a man is wheeling and dealing with his peers, in the corporate world, in sports, business, or any such endeavour, he’s usually in control, on top of his game, king of his castle.

But take him out of that realm and he’s often diminished when it comes to women, as almost everything that he does is just not right, not good enough, not up to scratch. No wonder people often look on and say, “Poor man, he’s always in the wrong.”

This is something that I’ve observed for many years, the fact that, just as the above quote says, men are like butterflies, afraid to show their wings, their vulnerability. Instead, they would rather keep them folded up, under wraps, safe, for fear of doing the wrong thing.

Poor men, that’s what we’ll explore today, right after these responses to ‘Can’t find nobody’.

Hi Tony,

You hit the nail on the head when you wrote, “Is it about attitude, being too picky, abrasive, personality, too bossy, lacking in sex appeal, miserable, who knows?” You and I know, but these facts seem to elude these women. I’ve always believed that a sexy woman is not how she looks, but how she acts, and it all starts from the organ between the ears. We all see sexy differently. For me, it’s a woman with wit and humour, but a great personality always helps.

Julius

Mr Robinson,

I do agree that there are women out there who are desperately seeking love and companionship, but I also agree that in most cases the fault lies within them. If this was not the case, then every accomplished, beautiful woman would find love easily, and not have to resort to desperate measures to do so. You may not be cruel, as you professed not to be, but I do think that you get a slight kick out of chiding these women for being desperate.

Janice

Have you ever heard the words, “Poor man, he just can’t seem to get a break” or “What a man salt, nothing he does turns out right.”? As for me, I have a catchphrase that I always use, “I am a man maligned and misunderstood.”

Truth be told, men do have it hard sometimes when it comes to dealing with women. Now, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but in this case, hard means difficult, not turgid. So because of this, many guys tend to either try too hard to keep up, can’t bother to make the effort, or just accept their lot. Some simply disappear like a puff of smoke in the wind. The reasons are varied.

A man will be himself from birth to adulthood, until he meets a woman. At that point he’s now expected to change, adjust, shape-shift to suit her. The irony is, the very same traits and characteristics that she found attractive in him, she now loathes. Poor man.

He used to be a bellicose, bombastic, ebullient, life of the party guy, chatting to women in a flirtatious yet innocent way. In fact, that’s how he met his current spouse. But all that has come to a screeching halt, for that personality is no longer attractive to her. Young man, you too flirty-flirty, goes the song.

And speaking of flirty, pretty soon that will perhaps be outlawed, based on all the sexual harassment suits that are taking place in the USA. As far as nature is concerned, it’s the prerogative of the male to pursue the female. Nowhere in the annals of civilisation does it state that females seek males.

It’s written in the DNA of men. And yet all that may soon stop. The reason is, women are crying foul when a man approaches them. No longer will a man be able to see a woman and say, “Hey baby, how ya doing?” or, “What’s your number, what’s your name?” He is now afraid to make any verbal gesture for fear of being slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit. “You have a nerve, calling to me, asking for my number.”

As for touching, that’s definitely a no-no. I don’t mean inappropriate touching, but even a brush on the shoulder or holding hands can land some men in courthouse. Women must now be treated with a look-but-don’t-say-anything-or-touch attitude. So what’s a man supposed to do? How can he discern that thin line between a casual approach and harassment? How will he ever find a companion, a mate, a lover if he can’t approach women anymore?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning the actions of those disrespectful predatory creeps who prey on women when they see fit. But when a poor guy sees a woman who he likes and makes an approach, he’ll now have to think twice. If he’s afraid to make the first step, she’ll consider him weak, cowardly and ineffective. Yet if he makes a bold approach, she can scream sexual harassment. What’s a man supposed to do?

How I see it, it’s the woman who determines harassment, for if she likes the man who’s making the approach, it’s welcomed. It’s when she doesn’t like him that she screams harassment.

If he used to be a strong, assertive man, that too has to be tempered, mollified, diminished, watered down, for he now has to give her a voice, her own mind and assertiveness, her individuality. Mark you, it was those same strong personality traits that drew her to him, but now she finds him overbearing, overpowering, obnoxious, obstreperous. “Why are you so assertive and commanding? I have a mind of my own, you know.”

There is always talk about sensitive caring men, but that’s for the romance novels. The bitter irony is, if the man was like that before, he may attract a woman who’s seeking that sort of comfort. Maybe she had daddy issues and needed that sort of comfort and sensitivity at that time.

But all hell breaks loose after they’ve been together for a while, for she now finds him weak, ineffective, innocuous, invisible almost. No wonder that guy wrote the song, “Baby don’t take my kindness for weakness.” I don’t make these things up folks, I’m merely the harbinger of tidings, good and bad.

Women are always complaining about how men are bad, and I’m not here to dispute that. But my oh my, women can dish it out too, in their own inimitable, secretive style. Usually when a man is ‘bad’ it’s pretty obvious, straightforward, plain to see. In fact, ironically, some women deep down find this trait attractive, and that’s why those guys get so many women who are drawn like moths to the flame. But Lord have mercy, when a woman bad, she really turn it up.

Let’s take the case of pickney paternity. This is one area that men have very little control over, and a woman can give a man a jacket to wear and he dons it like the emperor’s new clothes. Just the other day I was talking to a group of women who regaled me with terrible, titillating, tattling tales of false fatherhood, ergo “jackets”, and the poor men who wear them. “Those women know exactly who the fathers are, but they give the paternity to the men who they think can provide the most,” is what they all agreed on.

She doesn’t want any poor man. Poor men, deceived, duped, discombobulated by these dastardly damsels, denied the pleasures of paternity…progeny. I remember recently reading this news report about this US radio personality who suffered such a fate. He thought that he fathered two children with two women in Jamaica and decided to file for them and take them back to the USA.

Well, USA immigration requires DNA testing for permanent residence, a fact that unearthed many a deception. As it turned out, none of the children belonged to him. The poor man wept, for he had grown to love his two ‘daughters’ who he had been supporting for years. Remember that 35 per cent of men tested in Jamaica are not the real fathers of their children. That’s a sad fact. “Yu daddy ain’t yu daddy but yu daddy don’t know.” Poor men.

And so a man goes through life appearing to be strong, yet sensitive and caring, but not too much, having to provide and care for, yet strike a balance for a happy life. And then you wonder why women outlive men. Poor men.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Eternal optimist that I am, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d be writing this, but I sense a sort of anarchy overtaking the land. The lawlessness in all quarters, from the children to the adults, manifests itself on our roads, in our schools, and even in commerce where service is often deplorable. It’s like a free fall of morals, decency and civility. As one person said, “It’s like living in wild west Dodge City, but there is no Marshall Matt Dillon.” When did we get this way? Don’t be surprised if the next big dance or concert is held on the airport runway tarmac. After all, a nuh nutten — man haffi eat a food, and dance haffi keep.