I’ll hear you more,

To the bottom of your story,

And never interrupt you.

— Shakespeare, Pericles V, 1

How many people can actually tell their story and not be interrupted by the person listening? Hardly anyone, for as soon as you start to tell your tale, you are interrupted by whatever story the listener has to tell as they jump in and counter your discourse. Men involved with women, put up your hand if you agree.

Perhaps the only individual who pays rapt attention and does not interrupt is the psychiatrist who listens to the patient and merely nods with assent and says, “I see, I see.” One other such person is the bartender who listens with great interest, real or imagined, to the imbiber across the counter and agrees with everything that he says. “Yes man, true words, woman is nutten but crosses.”

Both are remunerated for listening, one by the hour, and the other by the amount of drinks that can be served. The point is, those people are paid to listen. No wonder lots of people complain that they are either not heard or worse, not understood. “You just don’t understand why I do what I do, you just don’t understand.”

We’ll see who understands, right after these clearly understood responses to my ‘Cheating triggers’ rant last week.

Hi Tony,

Regarding what you said about the various triggers for cheating, some men may not realise that they want sex until the woman presents the opportunity and sends her siren call to her prey, then the trigger is cocked. Those women provide the ammunition and make themselves the target.

Gary

Hey Tony,

I’ve just read your footnote to the ‘Cheating triggers’ article and feel duty bound to respond, regarding those schools that fail to show up for the return matches after losing heavily in the first leg. What has happened is that the competition has become a foregone conclusion with the big schools dividing the spoils every time. The matchups you referred to cannot be considered true competition. The small fry were just being set up for big teams to amass huge scores, like lambs to the slaughter.

Fara

There’s this comedy stand-up routine by the late American comedian Bernie Mac that must rank among the funniest of all time. I saw it on BET‘s Def Comedy Jam many years ago, but if you Google it, you can watch it for yourself. It’s called, ‘You just don’t understand’, and I guarantee you’ll laugh your head off.

‘You just don’t understand,’ isn’t that what men say to their women all the time? “Honey, it’s a man thing, you just don’t understand.” How true it is. Speak to any man who’s involved with a woman in any form — girlfriend, fiancée, live-in love, common-law or married — and you’ll hear the cry, “You just don’t understand.”

And what, pray tell, don’t women understand? Oh, let me count the ways. First let’s discuss sports. Sports must be the most important element in a man’s life, yet women just don’t understand it.

Just recently, legendary football great Neville Oxford of KC and national fame brought up the topic with me, and lamented how many women don’t appreciate or understand the passion that men have for sports.

We always meet up at KC Manning Cup matches, rain or shine, and sometimes get soaked by the rain that occurs there. After one particularly heavy deluge, many cellphones started to ring from concerned spouses who expressed bewilderment why grown men would suffer in the rain just to watch schoolboys kicking a ball around.

“Robbie, women just don’t understand,” said Neville, after his phone call ended. It’s not just about watching a football game, it’s meeting up with old friends and past schoolmates, reliving and rehashing our past glories, plus shooting the breeze with bredrin and bredrin. It’s buying chicken soup, penny bun and cheese and boiled corn from the vendors.

I make sure that I take home two boiled corn for my wife after every match, to score some points. No boiled corn tastes as good as those from those vendors at the matches, which adds to the experience.

Yes, it’s sort of male bonding, and even if you aren’t into the male bonding scenario such as going to the bars and such, attending these schoolboy football matches is a great pastime, but women just don’t understand.

When I tell my better half that there’s a KC match on a Saturday, I can see her countenance change, for Saturdays are the days when we hang out. “Match this Saturday again, you going to match in the rain?” But the prospect of two hot, sweet boiled corn salves the angst and is the Balm of Gilead. So even if women just don’t understand, we can ease their discontent.

Another area where women don’t understand is when men get sick. I saw this caption on WhatsApp that said, “Only a woman who experiences the pain of childbirth can understand how a man with a cold feels.”

It’s a known fact that when a man catches a simple cold his world comes to a screeching halt and so should everyone else’s. My bredrin caught a cold the other day and is experiencing a living hell. “Honey, I’m dying, I can’t take it anymore, my nose is stuffy, I’m burning up, I’m in pain, I’m dying.”

He says that his wife just humours him and takes it lightly, all because she just does not understand. “Teerob, can you believe she still wants me to do the chores in the state that I’m in?” I told him, “Bredrin, it’s just a little fresh cold, it’ll soon pass.” He still insists, “She just doesn’t understand.”

I remember my parents too, as my mom appeared to never get sick. In reality, even if she did, her mommy duties never stopped and her routine was never broken. But dear dad, whenever a cold brushed him, the entire household came to a halt. Women just don’t understand. Hmm, maybe a man’s cold is really worse than a woman’s.

Another area where women just don’t understand is that of sex. You know that I’d eventually get to that. Women just don’t understand that a man will get involved with sex no matter what the circumstances are. If the woman is upset or angry with the man, she will not have sex with him. Conversely, a man does not care. She’ll remonstrate, “How can you approach me for sex after that argument we just had?” His response, “Huh, what does having an argument have to do with no sex?”

The man does not care if she’s vexed as a Tasmanian Devil, or moody as a petulant child, when he wants his pounding of flesh, he wants it. Apologies to Shylock and his legendary pound of flesh.

Women will give various reasons not to indulge, “Shh, mommy is in the house, the kids might wake up, my head hurts, I just washed my hair, I’m still angry with you.”

I have a friend who once broke his leg, and even while in the cast he insisted on having sex with his woman. That’s just how men operate when it comes to separating sex from everything else, there are no impediments, no hindrances. Women just don’t understand.

Men expect the same courtesy from women, so even when she’s not feeling well, mash up, pop down, bellyache, headache, two broken arms, he’ll say, “Cho honey, just roll over, lay still, I’ll do the work.”

There are too many variables to obstruct sex, while the only one to prevent a man is serious illness or loss of erection. Apart from that, it’s 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 lift off. Women just don’t understand.

Women don’t understand that men still look at other women even if they’re in a committed relationship. It’s a man thing and doesn’t mean anything at all. So many women get irate, incensed, upset and even violent if their man even looks at another woman. “I saw you looking at that pretty girl, you disgusting louse.”

Women don’t understand that not because a man looks at another woman means that he’s up to something untoward. That’s why so many guys are terrified to even glance casually at any other female if their woman is present. It’s no big thing, and women just don’t understand.

Now, do men understand? That’s for another day.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I’m watching with great interest the situation where students are locked out of schools for arriving late. I can’t say that I agree with locking them out, for they’ll just be on the streets creating more mischief. But punitive measures have to be taken. The president of the Jamaica Teachers’ Association expressed that most of those habitual latecomers are also the troublemakers and delinquents in the school system. They are the ones always in trouble and with low grades. The parents, when summoned do not show up, and teachers certainly will not go to their homes out of fear. I suggest having a school area designated for them, where perhaps they can be counselled. Anyone who thinks that running a high school is easy, should think again. Between children, parents and even teachers, it’s a challenge. Even some former prison warders wouldn’t tackle that task.