“I felt small.”

These were the words used by two women, who are survivors of intimate partner violence, as they shared their experiences suffering at the hands of their partner. Their stories serve as part of the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, which began on November 25 ­– International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women – and will culminate on December 10 – Human Rights Day.

Natalie Taylor, winning performance coach and CEO of Win Win Networks LLC, who was recently listed by Yahoo Finance as one of 10 top transformational coaches to follow, shared that after experiencing domestic violence in any form, it really completely changes the way you feel about yourself, as well as the way in which you see yourself and how you operate among other people.

Taylor said she personally experienced watching her sister go through domestic violence and imagined that with education and having her own things, it would be really different for her.

“That was not the case for me at all. I was very educated, graduated high school, had three college degrees and still experienced emotional and physical abuse,” Taylor said. “The first time it happened I felt completely shameful. How could this happen to me, I thought to myself? How could I get to this place? What would people say if they knew what I was dealing with? And this constant feeling that people could see. This constant feeling that people knew, or they might know, or they might have heard. It was just this gnawing feeling of shamefulness.”

Taylor added that the abuse impacted her confidence and the feelings of shame grew deeper, even though in the public’s eye, she was making moves, very successful and seen as a strong woman.

“It affected the way I saw things, the way I spoke, the way I carried myself. Yes, on the outside I looked confident, and I was bold and I was making moves. But that was often to negate from the fact that I was filled with shame. Shame about not being able to prevent it. Shame about the fact that I didn’t know. How could I have not known that this would have happened? And then the shame of dealing with sticking around or staying, because you don’t leave. And when you don’t leave you’re ashamed. You’re thinking it was a mistake, you believe what you’re told and when it’s not a mistake, because it happens over and over, you start to increase in the level of shame because you realise something is off, maybe it’s you – something is wrong – all kinds of excuses,” Taylor said.

Reverend Marie Berbick, pastor, publicist, speaker and empowerment coach, who is a 2020 recipient of the Most Influential International Motivator of the Year award, said she was shocked because she didn’t see it coming.

“I didn’t see that kind of trait in him as a person. I didn’t see that he could possibly have that side to him,” she said. “I was shocked because domestic violence seems to be something that [as] middle and upper class we sweep under the carpet. We don’t want to talk about it publicly and we tend to be in denial. And so, I remember believing within myself that, that kind of thing does not happen to people like us,” Berbick said. “We were a pretty decent middle-class family, so in my head space these kinds of things didn’t happen in middle-class families. People talk out their issues. They don’t hit each other.”

Further, Berbick said her abuser’s manipulation and mediator role in similar domestic violence situation’s would further compound the problem.

“I remember very clearly where a family member of his had an experience with domestic violence and he specifically spoke to the husband and said, ‘Listen, we don’t do that in this family.’ And that never left me. So when he did it to me, I was completely shocked. Yes! Taken by complete surprise,” she added.

Both women are no longer in the abusive relationships and have shared their stories through a campaign organised by Kith-Ann Excell, also known as The Conceptualist, where survivors of intimate-partner violence share their experiences, so that other women, who feel voiceless, can be encouraged to seek help. The aim is to also highlight the commonalities in the feelings of abuse through these words.

“A focus area for me as a social entrepreneur is the empowerment of our women. So these 16 days means a lot to me. No woman should feel like she has to suffer in silence. But more so, no man should ever feel empowered to silence her,” Excell exclaimed.

On December 10 when the campaign ends, Excell will highlight the commonalities of abuse and join with Natalie for an Instagram live session on her Instagram page @winningnatalie.