IN recognition of Parents’ Month and VM’s 144th anniversary in November, the VM Foundation rolled out its positive parenting series dubbed For the Mommies. The three-part series, shared on the VM Group’s YouTube channel and across social media, featured a cross-generational conversation about motherhood among first-time mothers, fathers, medical doctors, and mental health professionals. It explored the physical, emotional, and psychological effects that pregnancy and giving birth have on women and their relationships.

Co-hosts Jamila Pinto, first-time mom and entertainment manager, and Devonie Bernard, first-time mom and VM Group data analyst, guided discussions around Mommy Self-Care and Mommy Expectations & Myths for episode one; Mental Health: Prenatal and Postpartum Depression & Anxiety in episode two; and sex: prenatal & postpartum for the finale.

Guests who participated in the discussions included VM Foundation CEO and mother of three Samantha Charles; first-time mom and background vocalist Justine Rookwod; carnival connoisseur Kandi King; director of Maxwell Leadership and mother of two Erica McKenzie; Essential Medical Service’s Dr Melanie Taylor-John; systems administrator and father of two Omar Genas; psychologist and clinical sexologist Dr Carla Dunbar; and obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Kevin Henry.

Below we share three motherhood takeaways we got from the For the Mommies series:

Your expectation is not my reality

The Mommy Self-care, Myths and Expectations conversation brought to light the issue of older parents and the public making prescriptions about how mothers should raise their children. The guests also revealed some of the insensitive and unsolicited comments shared with mothers by both men and women about their physical appearance after giving birth. “Your expectation is not my reality”. Mothers rallied around this gem that came from co-host Devonie Bernard-Small as they made the case that each mother’s journey will be unique, according to the values that they uphold which might be less traditional than how their parents or they themselves were raised.

You’re not crazy; You just need help

Dr Melanie Taylor-John encouraged mothers to get comfortable asking for help and called for partners and family members to be more attentive to new moms in the postpartum period. She noted that the physical and hormonal changes in the body, the lack of adequate rest, the newness of the role, and the gradual awareness of the responsibility that comes with having to care for another human being often overwhelm new mothers. She warned that this could also result in resentment and cause them to harm themselves or their newborns. She stated that a listening ear and empathy can go a far way for women who are experiencing these feelings to share, and advised that professional help be sought if they are not able to properly manage the triggers and stressors experienced after giving birth.

More arousal. More conversation

Dr Henry pointed out that women tend to endure tears or physical pain in and around the abdomen or vagina after giving birth, which makes penetrative sex difficult. Dr Dunbar added that pleasurable sex does not have to be penetrative while highlighting that women stand to be the ones most disadvantaged if that is the focus. She continued by stating that women have sex with their minds and challenged men to put more effort into getting women psychologically ready first in order for penetrative sex to be enjoyable.

“There are four stages of sex, according to the Masters and Johnson model: arousal, plateau, climax, and the refractory period,” Dunbar noted. “The refractory period is where couples must have open, honest conversations about what they liked or disliked about their sexual encounter in order to be clear about how each partner desires to be pleased.”