“THE statistics say one in every four men is an abuser, and many of the men we interact with on a daily basis are abusers, who are able to control themselves when in public, who we laugh with and talk with, who treat their women well in the open, and sing praises about their families, and behind closed doors, they are the enemy.”

Marriage and family counsellor Keithia Spaulding said worse, is when people know of the abuse, but are conflicted, as, depending on who the abuser is, loyalty and admiration can lead to dismissal or denial of the allegations, or worse, permissible abusive behaviour.

“We would all like to believe that as moral people belonging to a societal group we reject certain maladaptive behaviours no matter who the perpetrator is, but for some people, depending on the power dynamics, we tolerate the conduct, or do not take it seriously,” Spaulding said. “Powerful and influential people can manipulate situations, control narratives, and in some cases, intimidate or silence accusers. Their influence can protect them from facing immediate repercussions for their actions.”

The situation in the news regarding entertainer P Diddy and the video surfacing with him abusing his ex girlfriend has been a topic of much discussion, including talk about permissible abusive behaviour, and whether all perpetrators and victims are treated alike.

“His apology is also typical — the usual caught-with-your-pants-down ‘I went and I sought out professional help. I had to ask God for his mercy and grace. I’m so sorry. I’m committed to be a better man each and every day’ — which is reactive in nature, and lacks sincerity,” Spaulding added, reminding that before the video evidence, he had previously denied his ex’s allegations of assault.

The bothersome issue of abuse is one that has been with us for aeons, and is the same story anywhere in the world one goes.

“Abuse against women by men remains a pervasive issue across the globe, manifesting in various forms such as physical, emotional, and psychological violence,” Spaulding said. “And despite growing awareness, societal responses often fall short of addressing the root causes and providing adequate support for victims.”

During the 2021 Reproductive Health Survey in Jamaica, females were asked if they had ever experienced violence and abuse that may have happened between them and a partner or ex-partner. This included verbal and physical assaults and threats of violence. Verbal abuse was defined as being insulted or made to feel bad about themselves, or threats to hurt them or someone they cared about. Experience of physical abuse was derived from responses to several statements enquiring if they had ever been slapped, choked, burnt, kicked, dragged, or beaten by an intimate partner. In total, 18.1 per cent of females agreed with one or more of those statements. Also, sexual abuse, defined as being physically forced to have sexual relations against their will, was reported by 4.5 per cent of females.

Spaulding said men who engage in abuse often struggle with issues such as low self-esteem, insecurity, and past trauma. They may use violence as a mechanism to exert power and control in relationships, compensating for their perceived inadequacies. Additionally, some abusers have witnessed or experienced abuse in their own families, perpetuating a cycle of violence.

But when victims do speak up, they sometimes face intimidation and fear. The threat of legal action, financial ruin, and personal safety concerns can deter victims from reporting, or continuing their cases. The emotional and psychological toll from coming forward against a powerful figure can be overwhelming.

“One of the most significant barriers to addressing domestic abuse is the pervasive culture of victim blaming. Victims often face scrutiny and judgement, being questioned about their choices and behaviour, rather than receiving support and understanding,” Spaulding said. “This stigma deters many women from reporting abuse or seeking help, fearing social ostracism and disbelief.”

Most worrying, she said, is that silence and complicity within communities contribute to the perpetuation of abuse.

“Family members and friends might prioritise preserving family honour or social harmony over confronting abusive behaviour, effectively enabling the abuser,” she explained.

She said comprehensive education programmes aimed at both men and women are crucial in changing societal attitudes towards domestic violence. Men, more than ever, must be actively involved in efforts to combat domestic violence. Initiatives that encourage men to challenge harmful stereotypes, speak out against abuse, and support victims can help change the cultural narrative and reduce the prevalence of violence.