Why women lie about their age

ONCE she ‘drops off the almanac’, the lies start. She’ll be 30 for a few years, then 35, and a few women will be stuck under 40 for years and years.

It is believed that once a woman discloses her real age, people will tend to evaluate other aspects of her life — childbearing, marriage, financial achievements — that she may not be happy with.

To add insult to injury, Jamaica’s rich dancehall culture makes a mockery of the older woman; women will get the ‘big up’ if they are not ol’ like dinosaur’ or ‘ol’ and pop-dung’, enforcing even further the reality that negative stereotypes about older people, especially older women, are common.

Psychiatrist Dr Roger Roberts said Jamaica, like other western societies, tends to be youth-oriented. As such, ageing is usually seen in a negative light.

“Negative stereotypes can have harmful effects on one’s sense of self,” Dr Roberts explained. “The impact of negative stereotypes may take place at an unconscious level so people may not be aware that they are affected by them. In youth-oriented societies, younger women are seen as more powerful than older women. Younger women are more physically attractive and more fertile than older women. They have better chances of finding partners, having children and securing certain jobs. They have better chances of getting into the circle of the rich and famous,” he explained. “It is therefore not surprising that some older women refuse to tell their age, or lie about their age.”

Dr Roberts said women are often measured against other family members, friends and societal expectations, and based on these evaluations they can feel unfairly judged, and bad about themselves.

“Some women prefer to play the game called ‘forever young’ and hide or lie about their age to prevent others from evaluating and judging them,” he said.

Alma Gordon and Terry-Ann Weakley both agreed with the psychiatrist, noting that disclosing their true ages usually comes with a number of comments or questions afterwards, some of which make them feel uncomfortable.

“When people ask my age I just joke it off and tell them I am as young as I feel — that should tell them I am not interested in telling my age,” said Gordon, who is in her 50s.

“People tend to class you as ‘old’ once you touch 40, and that to me signifies drawing closer to your end and not achieving all that you had set out to achieve by a certain age. So it can be depressing.”

Added Weakley, 44: “I am not yet married and having been a Christian most of my life, I have no children. So people usually ask the obvious questions, ‘Forty-four and you don’t have any pickney? What you waiting on? You don’t see you age come off almanac?’… Or some crap like that,” she said. “So it’s less embarrassing not to tell my age at all.”

Some women will get so depressed on their birthdays that they may even refuse to celebrate, Dr Roberts said, although he admitted that men also get the ‘birthday blues’, but are likely to express it less.

He gave the following as factors that may cause or contribute to birthday blues.

1. Negative self-evaluation

The birthday is a time for reflection and self-evaluation for many persons as much as it is a time for celebration. Based on the personal goals, family and societal expectations, one may think his or her life is not going as planned. The end result is feeling unaccomplished and inadequate which may affect one’s mood negatively.

2. Age

There are several negative stereotypes that are associated with being old, so getting older is often perceived negatively. People may become sensitive about their age once they have passed an age they consider to be a ‘young age’. Some may become preoccupied about their health and mortality as they get older.

3. Birthday celebrations

The planning of birthday celebrations can be stressful. People may feel down on the day, especially if things are not going as planned.

4. Reactivation of memories

Unfortunately, for some people birthdays can be a reminder of some negative life events, for example, remembering loved ones who passed away around your birthday; remembering significant persons who passed away around your age (eg age their mother or father died); and remembering someone who is away, ill or dead who would normally celebrate your birthday with you. Reactivation of such memories may result in depression.

“Women need to be mindful of how they evaluate themselves based on their age,” Dr Roberts added. “Women should try as much as possible to live their own lives rather than comparing themselves to others. Be aware of the global trends; for example, in most industrial countries women are getting married and having children at older ages than before. It means that your mother might have had her first child at age 25, but age 33 may be just right for you.”