Why we waited for marriage
CHRISTOPHER and Ruth Prendergast, a couple married for 15 years, say saving intimacy for marriage was one of the keys to their union’s success.
The two, who friends say are inseparable, share below their reasons for waiting, and why couples should try their method.
Her story
“I was a Christian from a very young age, so the fear of God was one thing that prevented me from living a certain lifestyle,” said Ruth.
The two courted seven years before getting married; she at age 25, and he five years older. In fact, it was a month after they were married that the two timidly had their first sexual encounter, and even that was after stern instructions from their doctor.
Ruth said today they have a vibrant sex life, and looking back they would not have done things differently.
Those who are familiar with the couple describe them as inseparable, and with the exception of work, they go everywhere and do just about everything together. According to Ruth, intimacy was worth waiting for.
“Looking back, I can say the major benefit of waiting until after marriage was trust,” she said. “If my phone rings at 2:00am, my husband doesn’t even ask who that is. If he comes home and sees a male in the house, he just greets me and moves on. If he sees a man at the gate he doesn’t ask me who that is. He doesn’t ask me where I am going and what time I am coming back. I go and come as I like, talk to anybody I feel like. I am married but I am free.”
She said other benefits include:
1. Knowing that you don’t have to be worried about an ex in the picture.
2. Not having to worry about previous STIs.
3. Not having to worry about outside children.
4. They can be themselves around each other and be each other’s best friends.
5. He is not judgmental.
“We are still very close. He never leaves the house without kissing me. If I fall asleep in my regular clothes I will wake up in the morning in my nightclothes because he will change me,” she laughed.
“Someone told me that we are still so absorbed in each other like we don’t have a care in the world.”
Ruth had one piece of advice for young persons who feel they need to have sex before taking their vows.
“Wait. Wait. Wait. If the person truly loves you they will wait on you. If they tell you ‘prove to me that you love me by having sex with me’, the person doesn’t truly love you or they wouldn’t want you to do that. What they would have been doing is violating your character, violating your principles and what you stand for. That is not true love.”
She said buying into the ‘puss in the bag’ excuse is nonsense.
“Many times people are just being deceitful when they say that. They just want to have sex and you are just another number for many of them. And after that is done many times they just ignore you. Many times they think that you are just not good enough.”
His story
Christopher said as a youngster growing up he had a lot of friends who started having relationships early, and he would just observe. He said he did not like how they related to women.
“It was like a conquering thing.” he said. “Like who could conquer the most women and I felt that I wouldn’t fit into that because that wasn’t my temperament.”
He explained that he knew what he wanted from a relationship. So while his friends were having girlfriends, he decided to wait. And despite not being a Christian at the time, he still felt the need to wait until he was confident that that relationship would last and that that someone would share similar goals and visions.
“I grew up with six boys in the house and you know all the pressure that was,” he said. “I was the second-to-last one, so while everybody was moving around, I was just there. I never got distracted. When they were busy with girls I was busy with books.”
University proved to be one of the most challenging times for Prendergast, as a lot of persons around him were experimenting. Nonetheless, he stuck to his goals and even after meeting Ruth while in university, instead of becoming sexually involved the two spent seven years getting to know each other.
“If you wait you will find someone who has the same goals, which is like a new beginning for both of you,” he said. “The relationship has a better chance of surviving, because when the hard times come you know where you are going.”
He said as a result of not waiting until they have found that one person, some people have no sense of commitment, accountability and trust, which are important in unions.
“If you wait around you will find the commitment to continue because you have already waited. And if you wait until you are married it is even better.
“A lot of persons see my relationship that I have with my wife and a lot of them now yearn for it. But it is the way it is because we waited.”
