The difference between break-up blues and obsessing over your ex
BEING depressed for a period after a break-up is a normal part of the process; in fact, experts say those who experience this loss go through a similar experience like happens with a death — there’s sadness, anger and eventual acceptance, a step which can take years to arrive at.
Losing someone you really and truly love has to be the worst pain ever, and having the blues is only natural when you part. But how do you differentiate between break-up blues and obsessing over your ex?
Counsellor David Anderson says there’s a very thin line between normal sadness and deep depression, and the differences are explained below.
The blues: Occasionally scanning through his social media pages to see what he has been up to.
Obsession: Creating a new profile in someone else’s name on Facebook, two years after the break-up, adding him as a friend, and liking or commenting on his every status or photo, just to keep a ‘relationship’ going.
The blues: Having a drunk-texting episode soon after the break-up where you Whatsapp him just to maintain contact.
Obsession: Buying potions online or calling one of those guzzu doctors in the classifieds who promise to return your lost love, and paying thousands of dollars in the hopes of reconciling, even though it’s been three years and he’s engaged to be married.
The blues: Still getting butterflies when you hear that Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg song, and remembering all the times you’d make mad love to it.
Obsession: Downloading an entire playlist of the love songs you enjoyed together as a couple, putting it on replay in your car 24/7, 365, and even though it’s been months, you’re singing Melissa Etheridge and having a breakdown in traffic at Three Miles while the window washers look at you with concern and the cops come inquiring.
The blues: Still wanting him so badly sometimes, that your very soul aches.
Obsession: Still wanting him so badly most times, that you go to his new girlfriend’s workplace and threaten to beat her till she’s blue.
The blues: Remembering both the bad times and the good, and regretting all the things you did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship.
Obsession: Remembering only the good times, regretting all the things you did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship, and spending each and every day imagining that he’s still yours, telling your neighbours that you’re still a couple but he’s gone abroad to study, and putting your life on pause as you wait for him to reconsider.
The blues: Not being able to date anyone else just yet, because no one compares to him.
Obsession: Not being able to date anyone just yet, eight years after your break-up, because no one compares to him.
The blues: Smelling another man’s Axe body spray and remembering his scent.
Obsession: Smelling another man’s Axe body spray, remembering his scent, and following the other man around, eyes closed and arms outstretched, while you reminisce.
The blues: Having your heart skip a beat every time you hear someone else say his name.
Obsession: Not being able to hear his name, or a name similar to his, or see a car similar to his, or see a man with a goatee like his, without having a mental or highly emotional episode involving smelling salts.
The blues: Shedding just a mini tear when the bus passes by his street.
Obsession: Driving down his street every day, parking a few houses down, and watching to see when he comes home, who he’s with, and driving yourself crazy because she’s prettier than you are.
