True confession: I’m a player who got played

Duane, 35:

I never meant to become what women would term a player, but I couldn’t see myself being a one woman type of man. I had no interest in settling down. Why should I, when women are in abundance?

A few years ago I met a woman. She was older than I am, but I was never prejudiced in my game — I played it from every angle. She was willing to take me places and didn’t care about spending her money on me. She asked me one day if she was the only woman I was seeing. I was honest with her and told her no, because at the time she was one of three. I had one to fulfil my sexual needs; one who was like a Suzie homemaker; and then there was her, my financial advisor. I would tell her what I wanted and she would tell me when I would get it or give me the money to get it.

Now bear in mind that I was working at the time so I wasn’t dependent on her handouts. I used what she gave me to woo other women; she had allowed me the benefit of wining and dining women.

She had a problem with me having other women and would often use her money as a way to sway me to her side, but it didn’t work as I wasn’t ready for a relationship. And even if I wanted one, I wouldn’t want it from her. So even though she wasn’t happy with it, she went along with it.

A year after we met I had to do a major surgery and she helped me. She even had me living at her house so she could take better care for me. She was there when no one else was and this made me see her in a different light. The more I was around her and saw that she cared for me, the more I appreciated it and started to have feelings for her.

When I got well and was back on my feet, she suggested that I move in. I wasn’t sure that this was a good idea so I turned her down and went back to living on my own. In doing so I realised that I still had feelings for her but tried my hardest to fight them off. I really didn’t want to settle down. And so I started dating a woman who I had met when I was at work. She was around my age and we got along great. We had a few things in common and I was very much into her. We partied all the time and had fun in many ways. We did things that my older woman wouldn’t, as she was more settled and her fun was a bit more refined.

But I still didn’t lose her even though I was with someone new. We still hung out and I still allowed her to do things for me. I didn’t lose the feelings that I had for her, but no matter how many times she asked me for a commitment I told her no, I wasn’t ready. But the truth was that I was more interested in the new girl whom I planned on moving in with.

I didn’t want to tell either of them about the other as I didn’t want to lose them but after living with the woman who became the love of my life, I had to tell my older woman that I was now living with a woman who I intended to marry. When I told her, she didn’t take it well. She cut me off completely.

It hit me hard because I missed the bond that we had formed. But I was more looking forward to marrying the woman who changed me from being a gyalis to a one woman man.

Once I got married I hoped that my wife would have been more keen on cutting back on her partying ways, worst of all since my old injuries had started to flare up and I was unable to party with her.  But it never seemed to stop her. In fact it seemed as if she partied a whole lot more while I spent my days and nights at home lonely, trying to find comfort while in pain.

My then wife started to take me on a ride through the valley of games; games that I had played and mastered. She started to cheat on me and tried to lie to cover her tracks. I really fell in love with this woman and put up with a lot of her crap because I loved her. I had spoken to her about her cheating on me before and she claimed to have ended the relationship, but didn’t. Things got so nasty between us that I eventually had to move out. I was hoping that maybe she would miss me and see the error in her ways. So the day that my phone rang and I saw that it was her I was full of hope and excitement. But she had only called me to ask when I was going to find the time to come for the rest of my things. When I got off the phone with her I cried. This was the first time that I ever cried over a woman.

I had to man up, my heart had become weak for my wife, this wasn’t me at all. I was embarrassed to know that I had got this fragile for a woman who had clearly used me.

I did the next best thing I knew how to do. I called the one person who was always there for me, my older lady. But she wasn’t interested in hearing from me at all. So I walked away with my tail between my legs. I was left alone and retired my player’s jersey.