Letters to my ex: I can’t get over you
SOMETIMES we invest so much in a relationship and love so deeply that even after exhausting any hope of ever reconciling, our hearts still ache. This desire for an ex could linger for months, years even, and below a few women tell how difficult it has been for them to get over their exes.
Jae Jae:
Almost four years ago I made the decision to leave my cheating ex. It’s a decision I can’t seem to figure out if I made on my own or if he convinced me to because he was good at that. Ever since that February afternoon I have never forgiven myself for walking out, never forgiven myself for leaving the man I shared my innocence with, or the man that I spent two years planning a future with. I have nightmares, I get flushed when I see him and flustered when we are in close proximity. When we are apart I am his puppet. We sext, I send him nudes and promise to get dirty with him and even though I have never given in to the promise to sex, the only reason I haven’t is because I never want my boyfriend to endure what I went through with my ex. Most times I feel like a bad person because even during sex all I can think about is my ex and I hate it.
Zoe:
I am so hung up on my ex that I stalk him. I ring his phone on private and at weird hours at night and send him messages from SIM cards that I keep. I know people may think that it is a bad thing but until you have truly loved you will never know what living without the man of your dreams is like and I have to do it everyday. So even if I have to travel everyday just so I can get a glimpse of him or ring his phone and hang up after he picks up and says hello, just to hear his voice, that’s how I get through every day.
Ava:
I was the one who broke up with him and it’s probably the decision I regret most in my life. I know nobody forced me to leave but we wanted different things. I was married to my job and he wanted children and I could not live with myself to see the look in his eyes whenever he was around our friends’ children. He was hurting and even though he said he chose me I didn’t want to be the reason for his regret. Now, I just can’t get over him. He was my everything and no amount of work that I do or the vacations that I take could give me that joy. I don’t know what else to do. I want him back and every moment I am not with him I die a little more inside.
Dalia:
It’s eating me up inside – I am mad that I have not got over him yet. How is it possible to love someone who’d hurt you emotionally and physically everyday? I don’t want to be that girl, the one who is crazy enough to sign her own death sentence by going back to the man who beat her senselessly, but I think that I am slowly becoming her. I wouldn’t blame my family and friends for turning their backs on me if I get back together with him, but I am leaning that way.
Nadine:
It’s like going to a safe place when I am with him. I escape in a bubble with him all the time and even though he broke my heart it is the place that I find love for myself and for the world because he taught me how to. I can’t get over the way that he helped me to become a better person – he knows me more than anyone else – and that is what I was scared of. I am now without him because I cannot function by myself. He was my better half and without him I am every shade of dark, cold and hateful. It’s a place that ever since the day I met him I dreaded returning to.
