When you can’t get along with your in-laws
MINGLING with your spouse’s family should be fun, relaxing and stress-free, but if you have in-laws who are difficult to deal with, you may just dread hearing your spouse mention going to his/her parents’ home.
But even if you can’t get along with your in-laws, how do you ensure this doesn’t affect the relationship shared with your spouse?
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said it is important to realise there is no quick remedy to dealing with troublesome in-laws.
“There is no quick fix. Sometimes for a peaceful life you either keep your distance or grin and bear it,” Powell said.
Though it takes time to manage your in-laws, some of the ways in which a peaceful relationship can exist include:
1. Discussing beforehand an agreed strategy that you all will employ
According to Powell, a combined approach is always best. “Discuss the issue during the premarital sessions so that you are both prepared to handle the challenges if and when they come,” he said.
2. Avoid unpleasant confrontations
“You are a member of the family now, so let peace reign,” the relationship counsellor said.
3. Be civil
3. Be civil
Powell said though you may not like one or both of your in-laws, just be nice in their presence, especially in family settings.
4. Do your best to reach out to them
4. Do your best to reach out to them
According to the relationship counsellor, sometimes it’s just the disruption of the family unit that your in-laws are reacting to.
5. Be gradual in your entry into the family
5. Be gradual in your entry into the family
Powell said your in-laws will resist if you are too overbearing.
6. Be mature
6. Be mature
It is best to be the bigger person and appreciate that family culture varies. Powell also said it is important to be mindful of the family dynamics that may differ from what you are accustomed to, and not be unduly critical or personally offended by your in-laws’ behaviour or actions towards you.
–Kimberley Hibbert
–Kimberley Hibbert
