Separate rooms, separate lives
MILLICENT and Paul have been married for close to seven years, but by the middle of the fourth year of marriage the couple realised that the spark in their relationship was dying. Soon after, they realised there was a common denominator at the source of their unhappiness — the bedroom.
It should be a place where love and romance reign, but instead Millicent said it felt like a war room.
“It was just constant bickering; pillow talks turned to fights, and on top of that it was near impossible sleeping because of how loudly he snores. I just did not like where things were going,” Millicent shared.
She said the decision to move into another room was the best they could make.
Paul and Millicent are not the first couple to have benefited from this arrangement that has been credited for saving many marriages.
However, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says married couples shouldn’t practise this arrangement, except in exceptional circumstances.
“If the intent of marriage is for the man and woman as individuals to leave and cleave, then it defeats the purpose of the married couple in particular to choose to sleep or live in separate beds or rooms,” Powell said.
He pointed out that the marital union should not be a ‘visiting’ one, unless under exceptional circumstances such as a long-distance relationship.
He said that while grandparents who have the space and opt to live in separate rooms could be given a pass for a peaceful life, younger couples who bring this practice into their homes cannot be forgiven so easily.
“The act of marriage means that they would have to make a concerted effort to make the necessary adjustments. It is by learning to negotiate and make compromises that the couple is able to navigate the marital course,” Powell advised.
He said even though some unions involve couples who are only comfortable with living in separate rooms because they were single and living alone for many years, or are struggling with managing conflicts in their marriages, they should explore other ways of managing these issues as they learn to enjoy their common space.
