Should you ask your partner to get tested?
GOING through a period of courtship is, for the most part, enjoyable as you get to a phase where you may be seeing wifely or husbandly traits in your partner.
But as things get serious and you anticipate popping the question or waiting for the question to be popped, you may have to address some serious questions, like the sexual history and status of your partner.
Have they had any STIs, STDs, or some complicated health issue as a result of a sexual infection? How do you ask them to get tested, and is it at all okay to venture down that road?
Reverend Dr Carla Dunbar, marriage, sex and family therapist, says yes, as it is better to know now and be counselled than to be surprised after marriage.
“In preparing my couples for marriage I do encourage them to do these tests, as it is better to get it out from now than become surprised when you’ve already tied the knot,” she said. “If any of you were sexually active at all before, you need to both know what your status is.”
Dr Dunbar said you should consider the feelings of your partner when making the request.
“If you know that you’re okay, it should not be a problem. If your partner is hesitant or questions it, there are really two things you need to consider. If you’ve never had sex before, you don’t need to do it. But if you’ve had sex you should want to do it,“ she said.
She said if the results aren’t favourable for one party it doesn’t mean the show is over.
“Love covers all and love can also cover that. If the person has or had an STI and has taken the necessary steps to take care of that, then it shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t discriminate, and I’ve known people to live happy lives if say for instance they are HIV positive. If a person has HIV, of course it’s a risk that you’re taking and of course you will have to get counselling to know what you’re up against.”
She said she also encourages couples to do fertility tests instead of going into marriage and being surprised.
Moreover, she stressed the need to be completely open to your partner once you are serious and taking steps towards marriage.
“Secrets destroy relationships and one thing I ensure is to lead my parties into having disclosure of stuff that can be potentially harmful in the future of the relationship,” she said.
—Kimberley Hibbert
