Life as a ‘born again’ virgin
A ‘born again’ virgin is a previously sexually active individual who makes a commitment to stay celibate until marriage, or some other defined point in the future, whether for religious or other reasons. Also known as a secondary virgin or renewed virgin, this person, according to Reverend Karl Johnson, general secretary of the Jamaica Baptist Union, has made a decision born out of a moral conviction, and is to be respected even if we don’t agree with the decision.
An example is newlywed Ciara who joined her NFL player husband Russell Wilson in announcing last year that they were sticking to a no-sex-before-marriage rule.
Wilson in an interview had revealed that he and Ciara were doing it Jesus’s way — a revelation that resulted in both support and negative comments from the public and popular figures, some of whom set out to directly shame the entertainer, who had a child out of wedlock and was not shy about her relationships in the past.
Below, people who have made similar commitments share their experiences.
Melanie, 37:
I am a Christian, but before taking that step I led a pretty promiscuous life. After the messy break-up of a three-year relationship which began when I was 18, I began changing boyfriends regularly, searching for love. I slept with five men by the time I was 25 years old. However, at 27 I had an encounter with God and decided to change my life. The first year was filled with temptations but I managed, as I opted to be single. This singleness and celibacy lasted for five years. I started courting at age 30, and got married at 32. Many people would mock me, and one guy in the church called me “spoilt goods”. Another said I was stupid to believe I was a ‘born again’ virgin and that my past sins were forgotten. But I have a strong personality so I managed through the criticisms and I found my true love who accepted me for who I am. November will mark our fifth anniversary.
Shawna, 24:
My decision to no longer engage in sex before marriage is to take the time to heal from past bad relationships, know myself, and put my best foot forward when I choose to start dating again. I get upset or become judgemental when I hear that men have really been around. So if I want someone who’s saving the goods, why shouldn’t I do the same? My experience isn’t easy though. If I’m invited on a date or for a drink with a man, he is always trying to test my limits or see if he can destroy the pact I made with myself. So since that’s the common element I’ve observed, in my bid to keep my cookies until marriage, I avoid dating for now, until I’m sure it’s time to go down that road with the prospect of finding a husband.
Patricia, 29:
I never thought of the term ‘born again’ virgin before, but if that’s what they call it now I guess I’m one, because I’ve been abstaining from sex since age 24. I was brought up the right way and taught that sex should be reserved for your husband or lifelong partner and not be something you engage in casually with every person you date. My experience for the most part has been great because my circle has changed and the people I now consider friends are supportive of this move.
Daniel, 27:
Many people are amazed when I tell them that I’m not sexually active, even though they know I’m a Christian. They even question if all my body parts are functioning. It hasn’t always been this way, but God is by my side. Urges will come, but when sex is seen through God’s eyes, everything changes. Despite these comments I remain steadfast to my decision.
Orane, 34:
Whenever I come across someone and I tell them I’m not sexually active although I’m not a Christian, they mock me. While I’m not a Christian, I follow biblical teachings and I’ve seen where sexual bonds can destroy males and females emotionally and physically, especially if STDs come into play.
