Is walking away the best solution to a bad relationship?

WALKING away from a long-term relationship, even one that’s riddled with emotional abuse, is usually a great challenge because of the commitments and investments made over the years.

You might contemplate whether you should work things out or take the highway; however, while many will go with the latter, is it always the best solution?

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell told All Woman that walking away is usually “easier said than done” and may leave you with second thoughts.

“Terminating a relationship is not as simple as some people may think, especially if you have committed time and effort in building the union. It is really not easy to turn your back on some of the benefits of the relationship, which may include financial security and good sex. One has to do a cost/benefit analysis and make an intelligent decision. Is it worth it to be in a relationship where you suffer psychological, emotional and physical abuse?”

The relationship counsellor said you should consider the following:

1. Give yourself time to reflect on the root cause of the problem.

2. Do an honest self-evaluation. Ask yourself, “Is there something I have done or never did that prompted this action?”

3. Avoid sharing your hurt with someone who may have a vested interest; he or she may take advantage of your fragile emotional state.

4. Use the opportunity to explore new hobbies and creative activities.

5. Don’t be angry. Be happy, as if the relationship ends in a break-up it may just be a blessing in disguise.

Powell said suggestions on how best to walk away if it comes to that include:

1.Weighing the pros and cons of the relationship

Powell said if the negatives far outweigh the positives, then it’s time to do what you have to do. “Make sure you have the reasons for your decision firmly placed in your head so that in those moments of weakness you can remind yourself why you made the decision,” he said.

2.Make sure the head is aligned with the heart

Powell said this way you won’t send mixed messages to your ex. “If you indicate to him that the relationship is over, then you can’t be engaging in sexual intimacy when he comes around,” Powell said.

3. If you know that you have a “weakness” for your ex, then steer clear of him

“Don’t visit him, especially if you both will be alone. If he has to visit you, make sure you have company so that it will be inconvenient for any kind of close contact to take place,”Powell said.

4. Remove any item that might remind you of the ex

The relationship counsellor said this might mean removing the friendship ring you got at the beginning of the relationship. He added that if there are items of clothing at your place, neatly put them aside and return to him as soon as possible.

5. Pictures are permanent reminders that can bring back memories

Powell said this may mean you have to remove those romantic pictures from yourFacebook page as well as his portrait that is sitting on your dresser.

6. Be careful when he pulls on your heartstrings begging for forgiveness

“Certainly if the request is genuine you may want to consider it, but if the request is as frequent as rain in the hurricane season then you know that he is just messing with your heart,“ he said.

7. Don’t sit down and mope

Powell suggested going out with your girlfriends and having some fun. “If not, go out alone and enjoy your own company,” he said.

8. Don’t be in a hurry to start another relationship

“Rebound relationships can be dangerous, as in your vulnerable state a “predator” will take advantage of your weak emotional state,” the relationship counsellor said.

9. Have an accountable partner

This person, according to Powell, will monitor your movements and ensure you remain focused when those moments of weakness come along. He said it is also good to let the person know of the calls you may have received from the ex inviting you to a late-night snack at his house or the weekend getaway.

10. Establish the tenets of the revamped relationship

He said it is quite OK to remain friends, but do ensure that you set boundaries and abide by them and insist that they are respected.