Should you just accept cheating as inevitable?

“ALL men are dogs.” It’s an age-old stereotype that many in society have accepted, and some mothers have used this piece of advice not only to guide their daughters, but to steer them away from the clutches of men. But should this theory hold true? Should women simply prepare to be cheated on because all men do it?

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said that the stereotype is far from justified, as some men are faithful beings who will never cheat on their partners.

“To take such a blanket approach to men is unfair to those men who are committed and will remain faithful in their relationships. It’s similar to the woman who goes searching her partner’s phone expecting to see evidence of cheating and is most disappointed if she doesn’t see anything incriminating. This now becomes the source of an argument as she accuses him of hiding the evidence,” Powell argued.

He reasoned that the stereotype which has taught women that they will be cheated on is misguided and could destroy relationships, as some men will be tempted to give in to the falsehood because it is likely that they will be forgiven for their transgressions, especially since men are painted as out-of-control beings capable of engaging in countless transient sexual arrangements.

“Some women would say that they believe all men are cheaters, but as long as their partners are discreet and do not disrespect them openly they are OK with that. Such an approach does, in fact, give the man the nod to go ahead and be unfaithful, and as long as he doesn’t expose his hand he will be fine. If you choose to go into a relationship with such an approach as you feel that your partner will cheat, then chances are he will. As they say, be careful what you wish for as you might just get it,” Powell explained.

He said that while the stereotype is partly taught to help women to guard their hearts against the headaches associated with cheating, the argument is flawed and raises the question: How does one prepare oneself to cope with cheating?

“The truth is that if and when you find out that he is cheating, you are still going to be hurt whether or not you were expecting it. By taking such an expectancy approach, you’re removing the responsibility of exercising self-control and self-discipline from men and excusing their behaviour,” Powell said.

All Woman readers were also asked to share their perspective on the stereotype. Here’s what they had to say:

Martin:

Well, to be honest, I have cheated many times, but I wouldn’t say all men are dogs, because I have friends who only talk about their women, and no matter how we have a “catty on a ends”, they will just drink but they’re going home to their woman. So I would say no.

Ishmael:

Yes. It’s in our DNA, and too many sexy women are around to only be picking one cherry. A man will love a woman and ‘bun’ her the same way.

Michelle:

Yes, I think so. My personal relationships and watching the men around me proves this. My brothers, cousins and co-workers just can’t keep their members in their pants.

Tassillia:

Not all men are the same. There are some good men, they’re just hard to find. You can’t say the whole bunch is like that.

Latoya:

They have doggish behaviours — so call a spade a spade. If it barks like a dog, then it is definitely a dog, without a doubt.

Carey:

A lot of women are taught to believe this to be true and they also accept it as the norm. So if you aren’t doing it, then they may never be truly attracted to you because you are actually “spoilt milk” — worthless in their minds.

Kimmie:

At least 98 per cent of them are, because women are very accepting of the argument that it is how it ought to be, when it’s clearly not true. We should start setting new standards.

Jermain:

No man is a dog. We were taught to be disloyal by women, which is stated in the good book. But to be honest, good men do exist.

—PH