Should you tell your man everything about your past?
OPENNESS and honesty are essential ingredients for a great relationship, but being in love, or thinking that we are in love can cause us to do some unwise things, including spilling every detail about our lives to that person we think we are in love with.
I’ve met many people who have made this mistake and learnt from it for their next relationship. Whilst keeping secrets is not to be encouraged in any relationship, there are just some things about your past that you do not NEED to tell your partner, particularly if that relationship is still young. Here’s why:
1. People get into relationships for various reasons
Not everybody is with their partner because they love and want to share the rest of their lives with them. People get into relationships for all kinds of selfish reasons so be careful how much you share about yourself. Unfortunately, not all relationships end well and sometimes a jilted lover can become your worst nightmare if they decide to use what you’ve told them against you.
2. If the relationship is still young, share only what he/she needs to know
Everyone deserves to know whom they are getting involved with, but you can date someone for months and still not KNOW that person. You can also be open and honest without being naïve. If you have not spent enough time together for you to determine that you can trust the person, be careful how much you share. People can be vindictive when things don’t work out.
3. Raging hormones can cause you not to think rationally
When we feel like we are in love, we are likely to make decisions with our heart and not our head. One of the biggest mistakes particularly women make is to let loose after a good sex session. When oxytocin is released during lovemaking, that feeling of attachment is very high. Unfortunately, that is when a lot of women throw caution to the wind and begin to talk like parrots about their past. Sex can be just a physical act, with no emotional attachment especially for men, so think before you speak.
4. If it’s not necessary, you don’t need to share it
If the information has no bearing on your current relationship and is likely to stir up unnecessary jealousy and insecurity on the part of your partner, keep your mouth closed. In some instances, certain information is necessary for you to share. For example, if you’ve had a medical procedure done in your past which is affecting your ability to have children with your current partner, this is not information you should keep from your partner. However, if you once cheated on your partner in a previous relationship, you’ve changed, and have no interest in cheating in your current relationship, there’s no need to tell your partner that. Not every man can handle certain information even it’s from your past. Your confession could do more harm than good to your current relationship.
Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Keep up with her on marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl. E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
