Will playing with dolls make your boys gay?
IT was once thought that a man who wore pink, combed his hair a certain way, or even pierced his ears, should be considered gay. And while the 21st century has brought with it new trends and a plethora of research data which was believed to have put these beliefs to bed, last week’s showdown between entertainer Amber Rose and angry fans and non-fans alike proved there are many who still hold these stereotypes to be true.
The issue at the heart of the firestorm involved a photo which Rose posted on social media in which her three-year-old son, Sebastian, was pretending to be a “spooky zombie” while wearing her braided wig.
This forced Rose to defend herself and her son, whom many Internet users called gay, or said had the potential to become one, while scolding Rose for encouraging a behaviour that they thought was unbecoming. She snapped back at the critics by questioning the influence of simply putting a wig on a man, insisting that sexuality has nothing to with the way one dresses.
A similar discussion at a hairdressing parlour over last weekend sparked much debate. One woman recounted the story of her family member who would play with dolls and dress in his mother’s clothes, much to the chagrin of other customers who asked whether the child had turned out “normal” after that bout of experimentation.
Why are people so steeped in their belief that any touch of ‘femininity’ displayed by a boy child will automatically lead him down a homosexual path?
Clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell said unless there is a deliberate attempt to change the sexual orientation of the child by way of consistent strategic indoctrination, then there is no harm in boys playing with traditional girls’ toys, or playing dress-up.
“I certainly do not think that could make a child gay. You often hear that gender is attained through socialisation. Parents would want to be careful that they are not trying to socialise their boys as girls and girls as boys because they wanted a child of a particular sex. If that is what a parent is doing, then that would cause psychological issues for that child. However, if a parent is simply being funny and dressing up a child, that cannot make a child gay,” Dr Bell reasoned.
“I often ask parents, ‘Would you buy a doll for a male child?’ Parents invariably say no, but when asked, ‘Would you want your boy to grow up taking care of [a younger] child?’ they invariably answer ‘Of course’, [yet] they are raising the child to believe it is namby-pamby to take care of a child. No wonder fathers are so irresponsible in our society,” Dr Bell argued.
She said that the issue of an individual’s inclination to become gay is dependent on a number of factors.
“A child becoming gay can be from a number of reasons — boys and girls can be sexually abused by same-sex perpetrators; a child may be born with tendencies towards [members of the] same sex; while some people will experiment,” Dr Bell told All Woman.
“Studies have shown that one in nine boys will have a same-sex encounter before the age of nine. This is a form of experimentation that is usually harmless and children will not become gay. Usually, there is a biopsychosocial explanation for why people become gay as outlined above — biological, sexual abuse, or simply preference by the individual,” Dr Bell said.
She added: “Interestingly, some women may become gay because they are fed up with the pain and hurt of being in a [dysfunctional] heterosexual relationship.”
