Sibling rivalry

BICKERING and catfights are a staple of life for parents with more than one child, and if you are dealing with toddlers, then the challenge becomes even greater as they tend to have a bit more difficulty accepting reasoning.

Sibling rivalry is the fighting, jealousy and competition that usually takes place between brothers and sisters. It usually begins as soon as the other child is born, so as a parent, you have to observe whether your child is behaving aggressively to your new addition.

You will find that while your first child will take great pride in the fact that they are going to be an older brother or sister, there might be concerns that they will no longer be given any love and attention. Few of them will express this concern to you, but their attitude and comments about their sibling could give an indication.

In cases were you are raising two toddlers, you will find that you will have to take over the role of a referee or a negotiator as the case requires, as they seem to fight over everything — from who gets to take a bath first to who gets the better toy — the complaints are never-ending. For some parents the situation becomes very overwhelming.

But experts say that sibling rivalry is a perfectly normal thing as it is a part of the development process for children. In some cases your child might see it as the only way to get your attention. This, however, is not always the situation and so parents should ensure that they monitor their children’s behaviour at all times to control extremely aggressive behaviour.

On rare occasions, you will find that sibling rivalry can escalate into violence in the family. This occurs when the older child who is most often more powerful owing to their age and status, constantly abuses the other child physically on a regular basis. In these cases, a child psychologist can be sought to offer assistance.

Causes of sibling rivalry

1. Children might feel they are not getting enough attention from you and might pick a fight with the sibling who they feel is being better treated.

2. They do not know that fighting is not an acceptable form of behaviour. They might live in a household where they see violence being carried out everyday.

3. A child might feel that their relationship with their parents will be affected by the addition of a baby to the family.

4. The family does not work to bond together and so the children do not try to make any effort either.

5.The child is undergoing a stressful period and might decide to take out their frustration on a younger sibling. Maybe they are being bullied at school, and in an effort to feel better, they try to bully their brother or sister in return.

How to deal with sibling rivalry

1. Try to continue all your family’s daily rituals such as eating meals at the same time and going to the park with the family. The children will then be less inclined to believe that you will no longer have time for them.

2. Make a family scrapbook with pictures of you and your children. This will allow them to see their worth.

3. Do not take away toys, or other souvenirs belonging to your child and give it to a younger brother or sister. Most times your child might have placed a great deal of emotional importance to these items, and might feel that no one else should have it.

4. Get your child his/her personal baby album with pictures of those special moments captured on camera when they were a baby. Things like their first walk and baths can form the basis for conversations centred on them, where you can explain what it was like when they were a baby and their likes and dislikes then.

5. Do not compare your children. Although one may be performing better than the other at school, it does not help the situation.

6.Encourage friendly competition among siblings by offering incentives for a task accomplished together.