Raising decent children
EVERY parent envisions producing and raising children who are emotionally, physically, mentally and socially healthy. Unfortunately, building resilient world-ready children is not automatic. Clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell argues that to effectively execute your function as parents, you must ensure the holistic development of the child into a valuable citizen.
“Parenting can be quite challenging. But it is important that parents always remember that a child should be taught the values that constitute hard work, perseverance, and dedication,” Dr Bell said.
She explained that while children should be socialised in an authoritative parenting style that engenders discipline by teaching, reasoning with and allowing natural consequences to flow, parents should remember to never confuse this parenting style with hostility.
“The formula to raise self-sufficient, decent individuals is to parent with love, commitment and enjoyment. Remember not to beat or intimidate your children. You will make them weak, you will teach them to be inferior, and this goes against the kind of child you want your adult child to be,” Dr Bell said.
“Parents should model the behaviour they want their children to develop – lead by example. Teach your children spiritual values, teach them basic values of honesty, do not lie or steal, learn to share, to be kind. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and teach forgiveness. We ought to be careful of the messages we send to our children,” she urged.
But what else do parents need to be practising in their quest to building exemplary little humans?
1. Always show love and affection – this can never be too much.
2. Create a safe home environment where children feel free to express themselves, to allow them to identify problems and possible solutions on their own while still providing feedback in a loving caring manner.
3. Parents should help children to develop positive experiences that build confidence and self-efficacy.
4. Parents should encourage their children. Encouragement is not praising — it is highlighting the children’s efforts to accomplish something.
5. Compliment your children. Validate their feelings and do not suppress how they feel. Teach them emotional regulation.
6. Parents should let children know they are proud of them. A parent should never compare children with each other. Teach them they are unique. Let children know they are loved.
Dr Bell says that once you become a parent, the health and well-being of your child should be taken seriously. Very important is reminding your children that you are not only in their corner, you are their biggest cheerleaders.
“Children will learn to be self-sufficient, to be independent adults, rational thinkers, and an asset to society when parents show them they can do it and encourage rather than be critical of them,” Dr Bell warned.
