Are you in an abusive relationship?
HARSH words, bruises, discomfort in the presence of your partner or quivering at the sound of partner’s angry tone are just a few signs of an abused spouse. But even with physical scars to match the psychological pain, a victim of abuse is often in denial that this is their reality.
How do you know that you are in an abusive relationship especially when the abuse has not become physical?
Relationship Counsellor Wayne Powell shares indicators:
1. He refuses to listen to you and shoots down every suggestion that you make
Your input is a non-issue. As a matter of fact, in all discussions you are basically a bystander even if the issue affects you.
2. When you make a good, workable suggestion, he “captures” it, taking all the credit for himself
He discredits your ability to reason and discards all that you have said by downplaying the significance, importance or strength of your argument, then restructures your words while using your thoughts and claiming them to be his.
3. He never pays you a compliment and looks for every opportunity to put you down
No matter how nice you look or the effort you put in ensuring that you represent him well, there is always an issue with how you look or what you say or even eat. He is more interested in pointing out your flaws, even if they are all in his head.
4. He always compares you to his co-worker or former girlfriend and casts you in a negative light
He is always in some competition with everyone else. He obviously believes that you are inferior to other women, and will harass you, not because he wants better for you, but because he wants better for himself.
5. He never takes you out and dissuades from going out with your friends
You are a house rat. Outside of work and probably church you are home all the time because he doesn’t want to take you out, and you always have to decline the offers made by friends because he doesn’t want you to socialise with them. Sometimes, even more than physically, he tries to restrict even phone conversations with them.
6. He is always reminding you of some past event (mistake) which you have long recovered from
Your life revolves around your past — at least to him — because he will not allow you to move past that one mistake. He pretends to be perfect and to want the same for you and even when he makes similar errors he makes them a non-issue and gets angry if your dare bring them up.
7. He seeks to sink you in a state of dependency by controlling all the finances
Even when you are making your own money, he controls the accounts. Like a child you are given an allowance and should you spend beyond that given cap, if he even allows you so much access, then you are scolded.
8. He makes life changing decisions without consulting with you so that you will not influence the outcome
He makes decisions that could affect you both without consulting you first.
9. He intimidates and drives fear in you and makes you feel doubtful about your future
You are his piece of property and all decisions are made by him. Should you ever deviate from his plan, you could very well be punished for this.
10. He wants you to create your whole existence around his “world”
He is the centre of your universe. Therefore, plans that you make should have his interests considered first. This could see you neglecting those that are close to you, even yourself.
