Separation anxiety
MOST, if not all parents, can relate to a wailing, crying, tantrum throwing child who simply becomes out of control every time they leave them with someone else. But guidance counsellor Monique Minto says while it is natural for parents to think they are doing something wrong or begin to worry, it should appease them to know that this display of anxiety is a natural phase of their development.
“Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health conditions in children. Separation anxiety is a phase which usually starts occurring in children between eight to 14 months old. Many children become rather clingy and generally display some fear of unfamiliar people and places,” Minto said.
She said most children understand that they are dependent on their parents/guardians to have their physical and emotional needs met, and so they will subconsciously feel that they always need to have this security close.
How do you help your child to cope without possibly encouraging their fear-filled reactions? Minto shares pointers below:
•Parents can help to prevent or reduce incidences of separation anxiety by speaking with their children and helping them develop a sense of security. Help them to feel safe by talking to whomever they will be staying with.
•Practise being apart from your child from early, so if you have a trusted adult cousin, aunt or grandma, leave them for a couple hours at a time. This can make the separation when you must go a lot easier.
•Assure them that your separation is temporary so they won’t feel abandoned. Hug and kiss them before you leave to reassure them so that they feel secure.
•Goodbyes should be quick and sweet. Do not prolong goodbyes or become clingy because your child might feel there is something to fear. You can even develop a cute and funny jingle with them to help them relax.
•All parents have done the “sneak off”, but you might want to reconsider this. Your sudden disappearance will drive fear into the child. They don’t know whether or not you will return and they will possibly be miserable and worried every minute that you are not there. What you can do instead is to consider the distraction method — ask their caregiver to use their favourite cartoon or book, for example, to take their attention off you leaving.
•Give your child your full attention. Listen and respect your child’s feelings, speak openly to your child, and prepare them for your absence while also reassuring them that you will be back soon.
Importantly, Minto pointed out that separation anxiety is difficult for every child, but this can be more difficult when parents are overprotective and clingy themselves.
“It should be noted that children whose parents are overprotective are more prone to separation anxiety. If this fear continues and occurs when the child is over six years old and lasts for more than four weeks, then the child can be diagnosed with Separation Anxiety Disorder. At this point it is encouraged that the child sees a therapist,” Minto said.
