Raising caring toddlers

BEING able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to practise love, compassion and generally being sensitive to another person’s emotions, are the building blocks of a noble human.

This characteristic, according to clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell, though inborn by virtue of us being humans, should be honed in a child’s most impressionable years.

“The years zero to six constitute the most impressionable years of any human’s life. It is when our personalities are formed and so it is important for parents to recognise that values, morals and appropriate attitudes are best developed during these years,” Dr Bell said.

She pointed out, however, that especially for toddlers in the age two range, this process may be more difficult as their ‘terrible twos’ encourage a narcissistic attitude that competes with their ability to be compassionate.

“They believe that their needs absolutely must come first, the world revolves around them, and they are insensitive to the needs or feelings of others,” Dr Bell explained.

“So yes, they will throw a tantrum if they don’t get to have all the sweets they want, refuse to share toys with their siblings or playmates, rant and rave if you don’t come running at their beck and call, but we must recognise this as natural. It’s not the time to try to lecture, beat or become vulgar and aggressive when addressing these children,” she advised.

Below, she shares how parents can help their children to become more caring beings:

1. Be gentle even when you have to force yourself to be

“Speak to your children softly, and avoid raising your voice no matter how angry you may be at what they did or said. Also, try to avoid giving in to anger,” Dr Bell said. She noted that conflicts can be handled very civilly, and are likely to yield better responses when handled this way. Since children can identify vocal tones, they are likely to practise speaking to others similarly.

2. Be kind

“Be kind not just to your child but to everyone and everything that you may come in contact with. Children are great imitators and they are impressionable, so care for your animal that is hurt or even water the plants so that they don’t die. Children learn from this,” Dr Bell advised. She said that children tend to replicate the actions of their parents, especially, or those in their immediate surroundings, because they are their first role models.

3. Never accept rudeness

When regular tantrums extend to being rude, let your child know that it is unacceptable. So, for example, spitting or hitting should be met with a stern ‘no, it is not okay’.

4. Instil good manners and encourage helping

“Even when your child can’t speak, be sure to always use words such as ‘may I’, ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘you’re welcome’, and all other common pleasantries that you know. Also teach them to be concerned and offer help to others in their presence,” Dr Bell said.

5. Use stories

“Children love to hear stories of their favourite characters and hearing that they completed an action which you approve will make them happy. They also want to be as cool as their favourite cartoon characters, so building lessons around these heroes could also help,” Dr Bell advised. She noted that all aspects of helping your child to become more caring requires that you be a good role model. Children learn best from their parents and siblings and repetition is important to the child’s development of new attitudes