Six reasons you keep going back after the relationship ends

BREAKING up is hard…very hard for most people. It is even harder for those who have been in a long-term relationship with someone who has become a fixture in their lives. When things begin to fall apart, one of the most difficult things is to decide when it’s time to just let go and call it a day.

But when one or both partners decide to walk away, sometimes they end up getting back together after a few weeks, months or even years, only for the relationship to end for good shortly thereafter. So why do people keep going back into relationships which supposedly have ended?

1. They miss the companionship

If you’ve been with someone for quite some time, it is quite normal to miss their company when the relationship ends. Even if they were a nightmare in some ways, there would have been good times as well. When you’ve been with someone you wake up with each day, and with whom you’ve had memorable experiences, it’s hard to just let go. Even the men who play tough are often lying to themselves and others.

2. They fear being alone

Returning to the single life can be a scary experience for someone who is coming out of a long-term relationship. Depending on how long they were married or involved with their partners, some people become very dependent on them. They forget how to function as individuals. So it becomes tempting to return to the person you broke up with, because it feels strange to go it alone. This is why some people will try to mend the relationship shortly after the break-up. However, getting back together because of the fear of being alone is one of the biggest mistakes made by people who were in unhealthy relationships. It’s better to learn how to function by yourself again.

3. There is a soul tie

For those who are not religious, they might not even consider this, but it is very real. You can establish a soul tie with anyone you’ve slept with. Your soul becomes intertwined with another person through sex, and even when you know the person isn’t good for you, you cannot seem to let go of them. Think carefully about how many times you’ve seen people in relationships that you and they know isn’t good for them. They break up only to make up and break up again in an unending toxic cycle.

4. They miss the sex

If you had a good sex life with someone, it is possible to miss that aspect of the relationship so much that you keep going back despite the weaknesses in the other areas of the relationship. This is particularly so if you did not leave the relationship to be with someone else, or if the new person you ended your relationship for isn’t satisfying your sexual needs. People who are fresh from broken relationships sometimes find others to satisfy their sexual needs, even as they are struggling with the emotional mess that they sometimes become. So it becomes easy to call up or try to get back with an ex in order to satisfy the need for sex.

5. They didn’t realise what they had until they lost it

Relationships require work and nurturing to sustain them. In a long-term relationship, one has to continually find ways to keep things spicy and exciting. People can become complacent and take their partners for granted. This complacency sometimes continues until the other partner walks away. When this happens, it’s normally a moment of rude awakening for the other partner, especially when they realise they are unable to find someone who brought to their lives the value that their ex did.

6. They need the financial assistance

Yes, a lot of people are in relationships because of the financial security their partners provide. Therefore it is not strange to miss the comfortable lifestyle and all the goodies that came from being with someone who was providing for you financially. However, it’s up to a man to be smart and not allow a woman who was using him to lure him back into a relationship in which he was merely there to provide financial assistance. The same goes for women who spend their money on men. Be careful that you do not get sucked back into a relationship with a man who wants nothing but your money.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker, and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Keep up with her on Facebook at facebook.com/marieberbick or at marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl. E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.