5 helpful tips for dating again after a long pause

ANYTHING that has been parked for too long will become rusty with disuse. The same applies to people who have not been in a relationship for an extended period. When you are ready to take the plunge again, you will discover that a lot may have changed in the world of dating and that you are very much out of practice. Here are a few suggestions that might help.

Taking the walls down

A lot of people who have had failed relationships build walls to protect themselves. However, the walls you build to keep out those who might hurt you could very well prevent you from enjoying a great relationship with someone who is genuine. Walls come down with healing, trust and time, so be open with this new person about your fears. Slowly take the walls down instead of letting your fears cause you to lose a good man/woman.

Getting used to another person in your space

If you have not been in a relationship for several years, you might find yourself struggling to get used to another person in your space. Once you both agree that you are serious, spending time together is essential; however, it can be difficult to readjust to having someone else around after you have become so used to being by yourself. Be careful, though, not to push that person away by being selfish with your time and by refusing to allow them into your space except when you want to see them.

He/she checking on you

A good man or woman wants to know that their partner is OK when they are not around, whether it is to inquire if you got home safely or if you have eaten. However, even these simple acts of caring can appear intrusive to someone who has not been in a relationship for a long time. Such an individual can find it difficult to get used to ‘reporting’ to another person. In the same way that some people find it very hard to get used to functioning on their own again after a broken long-term relationship, the person who is getting back into a relationship after a long break can find it hard to readjust to being accountable to someone else. If you do not live together, it is natural for your significant other to want to know that you got home safely after a date, so call or text as soon as you get home.

Talking too much about your ex

Although it’s good to talk to each other, be careful that your conversations don’t centre on your ex and how much you despise him/her. A good man or woman will listen because they care about you, but if too much of your time together is spent reminiscing about the past, that person will eventually get turned off. It doesn’t matter how long you have split from someone; if you spend most of your time talking about them it means you are not ready to move forward. Ladies, don’t tell a man everything about your past either. As long as you are not endangering his life, there are some things he does not need to know. Talk to a therapist.

Being lonely but not ready for companionship

Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges for people who have not been in a relationship for some time. Loneliness can cause them to think they are ready for a new person in their lives when they are actually not ready. A relationship involves doing things together, spending quality time together, planning together and incorporating that person into your life in many ways. When you are ready for a serious relationship after a long break, you will be prepared for companionship — not just have the desire for someone else’s company when you feel lonely.

Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.