Things you should never do if you want to preserve your relationship

ACHIEVING and maintaining balance even in a healthy relationship can be quite difficult. There are many elements to ensuring balance, and you will have to be very careful to ensure that you keep things afloat.

Keeping balance means that there are a number of things that are simply off limits, says relationship counsellor Wayne Powell.

So, please:

Don’t:

Neglect your responsibility to look out and care for your partner

The moment you enter a relationship, especially an exclusive relationship where there is a mutual understanding that you are committed to each other, this automatically means that you are a team. The first rule of being on a team is knowing that at all times you should have each other’s back, supporting each other when he or she needs you to be there, and in general just making yourself available to your partner. If or when you fail to do that, you have abandoned a most important part of your relationship obligations.

Make unrealistic demands and expectations of your partner

Demands, when fair and mutually agreed, are fine, but do not try to give your partner a “basket to carry water”. It is no secret that as humans we can sometimes be unreasonable and put unnecessary strain on a partner to do things we would appreciate, asking them to go against their beliefs, or expecting them to give up on their own dreams to support ours. If there are challenges, work on developing a system of meeting each other halfway or reaching a compromise.

Physically and emotionally abuse your partner

Always explore conflict resolution methods when handling disagreements with your partner. You are both humans with unique desires and belief systems, and as such there are things you won’t always agree on. However, never resort to violence. The moment you think it is okay to verbally or physically abuse your partner, that is the day your relationship becomes toxic. It is never okay to destroy the people that you love, and if you feel there is a need to do this, then it’s best to move on. People outgrow each other, and that is okay.

Disregard your partner’s opinion and ideas

In a relationship, each partner is equal, and that means that each person has a right to be heard. No partner should feel that it is their duty to make all the decisions about everything unless the other partner agreed to it. Each person’s ideas should be accepted, discussed and the best one selected. You should never make your partner feel like his or her ideas carry no value, or are stupid, because not only will this affect you, but it will also affect the person’s self-esteem and confidence levels and extend beyond your intimate walls to family, friends and even co-workers.

Betray your partner’s trust and confidence

Trust is one of the core values in your relationship. Just as how you pray to God or you write in your diary and expect that things will remain between you and God or your diary, it is the same kind of trust that your partner expects to have in you. They expect you not just to keep confidential information shared between you two, but for you to stay true to commitments and other promises made, both formal and informal.

Share certain private matters with others, especially on social media

There was a time when people would go to their diaries or a trusted family member or friend to vent, but nowadays social media has almost completely replaced these approaches. Couples, moreso women, often fill their status updates with expressions of how they feel about something their partner has done, sometimes even without first letting their partner know how they feel. This is giving strangers a 3D experience of what is happening in your relationship. You give people a chance to badmouth your partner, to play on his insecurities as well as yours, and in general, you break a big privacy clause.

Neglect to compliment your partner and express your love not only in words but in actions

Sometimes you become so complacent in your relationship that you neglect to do the little things that contributed to the reason your partner fell in love with you. You no longer compliment him on how handsome he looks when he shaves, or tell her how sexy she looks when she goes out of her way to dress up in new lingerie. The kisses on the forehead no longer happen, and the cute messages sent during the day disappear as well. Remember, always try to keep your relationship fresh, and make it difficult for your partner to fall out of love with you.

— PENDA HONEYGHAN