Expired love

SOME individuals will hold on to a lifeless, loveless, toxic relationship out of fear of moving on.

They even cling to the prospect of reigniting the flames when the writing is on the wall that their relationship has long reached its ‘end by’ date.

But, despite how difficult and painful walking away from this relationship may be, counsellor Wayne Powell tells All Woman that sometimes you just have to come to terms with the reality and realise that you’ve gone past the relationship’s expiration date.

While some signs of expiration in relationships may not be clear-cut, Powell said there are some sure-fire signs you can’t help but notice:

1. You can’t visualise a future together

Powell says if your partner shows no interest in making plans for the future with you, then stop wasting your time. “You are in love with each other, and you may even be very strongly emotionally connected. There is one major challenge, however. Conversations on committing to each other and spending the rest of your lives together are notably absent. This includes talks about children, about building a home and business, or each other’s career. You’re also uneasy about broaching the topic, and even when you manage to, there is some kind of disconnect. If you live like this, does it really make sense beating the horse?” he asks. Expired!

2. The efforts are one-sided

“There is nothing more painful than being in a relationship with yourself; and yes, many ‘couples’ actually live in this type of relationship. One partner continues to inject all of him/herself in the relationship while the other is just living almost like they are single. This could also mean that one partner has started to resent the other or has totally detached him/herself from the union. Whatever the case, it’s not fair to either of you. And when you find the person with whom you are more closely or perfectly aligned, it will all make sense,” the relationship counsellor advises.

3. Your value systems are not aligned

Powell explains that if you do not enjoy the same things, believe in the same things, or the ways that things should be done regarding fundamental relationship issues, such as family and finances, you may have reached your expiry date. He said if you try to make things work, you may be working against yourself, and you may end up sacrificing your values and beliefs for him or her. He said this will only lead to mutual feelings of resentment.

4. Lack of respect

One of the most essential tenets of a relationship, according to the relationship counsellor, is a natural desire to nurture the other partner. Powell says that relationships sometimes lack this, and we see this in the way spouses treat each other.

“The lies, the violence — physical and emotional — continuous infidelity, the way in which they address each other, and certainly how one partner or both speak to each other in the presence of others. When these habits are in the red it signals a time to get away from each other. It simply means you are worth more to each other apart than together,” he points out.

5. You no longer feel the passion

“The relationship feels cold. You haven’t had sex or been close intimately with your partner and there is no urge at all to fix this. In fact, you have found peace in this dry season because sex and intimacy feel burdensome with your partner. This often means that sex and intimacy are not the only problems. And if all you feel like are housemates, because even the attraction has faded, then your reality may be what you have always dreaded,” says Powell. This one has expired.