When the love of your life is the wrong ‘forever’ choice
YOU meet this person and you fall head over heels in love; nobody in your romantic history has ever stirred you like this. And you imagine the wedding day, building a life and a family together, and finally growing old together.But alas! We don’t always end up with the love of our lives, and relationship counsellor Wayne Powell assures us that’s okay.Sometimes romantic love just isn’t enough, and moving on might actually be best for some couples. Making compromises is an integral part of life, especially where romance is concerned.However, if neither party is willing to try, then it is always best to let go because it just won’t work otherwise. Some sacrifices made for love will eventually drain you emotionally and even physically, and this amounts to an unhealthy relationship.Indeed, love does not always conquer all. But how do you know when the best option is to sever all ties with the love of your life? Powell shares some thoughts below:
He or she has abusive tendenciesThere are some things that love cannot conquer, and one of those things is abuse. You should never make excuses for anyone who abuses you, because love does not inflict pain. If your partner cannot resolve disagreements without becoming violent, then you can do without that person in your life.
The person is marriedYou met and fell in love with someone, but somewhere along the way you moved on and started leading separate lives. You never did forget him/her and neither did they, but now they have partners and children. The truth is, you can feel affection for someone without becoming involved. You don’t want to cause hurt to a wife/husband or children, so you should focus on leading separate romantic lives.
The person has unhealthy addictionsThe person has unhealthy habits and addictions that could see you getting entangled, adopting these habits, and going down an unsavoury path. If being with them means exposing yourself and those you love (for example, your children) to an unhealthy lifestyle, then letting go is the best decision you could make.
He/she is not serious about planning for the futureLove is very important, but equally important is your future and your happiness. Whoever you choose to share your life with should also have similar goals. If he or she is unwilling to plan for the future or does not show interest in planning with you, quit it. You need to have an idea of where you are going. Don’t just keep winging it because they want you to.
You always have to sacrifice yourselfYou love them sincerely, but you shouldn’t have to keep sacrificing your happiness or desires for them. If they are unwilling to compromise and expect that you should always accept this state of affairs, then you really don’t need that level of selfishness in your life.
Differences in ideals, values and interestsYou love each other, but that’s about it — nothing but very strong chemistry. You are an extrovert but he/she is an introvert; you don’t want children but he or she does; you want an apartment in the city, but he/ she wants a nice family-sized house in the country; you’re a party animal, but the other person is not. This will make both of you uncomfortable, especially if you feel that you have to continuously suppress your desires because you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.
