Should women accept cheating as the norm?

IT has often been said that men are polygamous beings, which means that regardless of their social upbringing, it’s innate for them to cheat or desire multiple women. And some men will openly admit to being unfaithful, while some will never fess up even if caught red-handed.

Many women are resigned to the fact that even if their relationships are going smoothly, their men may eventually cheat, have the gall to confess and move on, or may take the deed to the grave.

The most recent public revelation of cheating has come with entertainer Jay Z admitting to cheating on his wife Beyoncé in his new album 4:44. In his revelation, he apologises for being a womaniser, immature in his actions, and now being ashamed if his children should come to know of his misdeeds.

Like Jay Z, many men in committed relationships fool around, and then face the consequences if caught, much to the chagrin of the women who once held them in high esteem.

But is it time for women to reject the idea of a monogamous mate altogether, get with the programme, and accept cheating as the norm?

Leachim Semaj, quantum transformational psychologist and chief ideator at Above or Beyond, says no.

“In an article in a recent edition of Psychology Today the question is raised about the issue of fidelity, whether it is history, and should persons just forget about [maintaining it]. But no, you don’t abandon ideals because it is not convenient. There’s a reason cultural traditions emerge. There’s something called the model of perfection, the model of natural order, and it says if there’s something and everybody does it, you accept it to be good, and it’s good for all of us if everybody does it. Cheating only works when you do it and you get away with it or you get forgiveness. If cheating had consequences, which most times it does, why are you cheating? “ he asked.

Dr Semaj added: “We have to find a way to deal with these inconvenient truths. If we accept that we have a commitment, but it is not really a commitment because I am not going to keep it, then why bother? I’m glad this conversation is happening because if you’re going to cheat, be honest enough to say so. Don’t tell somebody I’m going to be committed to you and you alone, but then you don’t really mean it. You’re putting the person at risk. Be honest enough to say no, I’m not going to be committed to you, I’m going to be involved with other people, so the woman can make her decision and see if that’s what she wants.”

Semaj added that if we get to a point where cheating becomes normalised, then we would be fostering a culture of deception and lowering our standards.

“You would be selling something you can’t deliver, or buying something that you can’t pay for,” he stated. “Coming out of this, are cheaters going to become honest about cheating, or are we going to continue living in deception, living lies, or telling people something we don’t plan to do?”

Dr Semaj added that this conversation has to be an honest one, where people know what they are getting themselves into.

Below some women shared their views on whether women should accept cheating as the norm.

Anna-Lisa, 32, single:

I think we should accept it without a man saying so. In my opinion, if we feel all men will cheat, why does it come as a surprise when they do?

Marissa, 40, married:

We lower our standards when we make excuses like these for men. If a man wants to be committed to something, he will be committed. Does he cheat on the boys, his job, his preferred brand of car, clothing?

Shernette, 52, married:

It’s not about accepting or not accepting it. I think women must maintain their standards; however, if something like that happens, it should not catch us off guard or wreck us emotionally. None of us are perfect beings, and we all say yes to things and later down the line go back on our words. It’s human nature. However, to be fair, not all men cheat. But if your man falls short in that regard, all I’m saying is, don’t let it be a thief in the night to you, and don’t go into a tailspin about it. It doesn’t mean you’ve accepted it, but you’re not being naive to believe he would never, even if he has not done so yet.

Renee, 25, single:

I believe every man will cheat, and as women we must just accept that the possibility exists that it will happen, even if he vows to be faithful. It’s nothing new under the sun; however, it’s an individualistic decision to stay where women are concerned. For me, I believe he will cheat, so I’ve already positioned myself to not be bothered if it really does happen. If it doesn’t, so much the better. But I hold the position that as women we need to stop the fairytale business and realise that it’s a distinct possibility that our husbands, boyfriends, dear friends, whatever we call them, will entertain another woman in some shape or form and will feast their eyes.