Things your partner should never ask you to do

A healthy relationship is one in which two people not only love, support and care for their partners, but respect and have their best interests at heart. Equally important but less talked about is each partner’s unwritten duty to ensure that their other half feels safe enough in the relationship without fear of unreasonable demands being made of them.

But how do we know when a partner has crossed the line and is asking too much? Below, sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill shares a list of things that your partner should never ask you to do:

1. Wear clothes that conform totally to his dictates

While it is all right for your partner to have conversations about what you wear, whether it may be clothes, hair or shoes, they should never demand that you discard any of these. It’s okay to make suggestions, but ultimately the decision lies with you. And don’t take lightly statements like: “That dress makes you look like a little pig” or “That hairstyle looks like a chicken’s nest.” Insulting you is not only rude, it’s painful.

2. Accept his friends that you disapprove of

Whether it’s Mike who has a terrible gambling problem, Jeff the alcoholic, Leo the lecher, or Anna who cannot seem to stop gossiping about everyone, there is always that particular friend or group of friends that you can’t tolerate. No matter how important they may be to your partner or how long they have been friends, he cannot simply expect you to accept them in view of your valid concerns.

3. Ignore insults from his family or friends

You might feel like the odd one out when you just can’t get along with the family or friends of your significant other. But your partner should make it clear that they must treat you with respect. You should also make it clear that there is no room for disrespect. Most importantly, your partner should never ask you to ignore insults from his family and friends.

4. Choose sides

We all know the stories of in-laws who don’t get along. If the problems seem to keep on mounting without any resolution in sight, your partner should never ask you to choose between a family member – for example, your mother – and him. He should learn to accept that you may never resolve your differences, but you should not have to choose sides with your family or close friends.

5. Participate in sexual activity you find uncomfortable or wrong

Exploring in the bedroom as couples can be great, but each partner should always be mindful of the other’s sexual boundaries. Your partner should never ask you to engage in any sexual activity that you have explicitly stated you find distasteful.

6. Tell a lie for him/her

Unless it’s life-threatening, your partner should never ask you to lie on their behalf. Your partner should learn to face the music and come face to face with the consequences of their actions. Encouraging him/her by lying for them sends a message that it is okay to lie, even to you, and also signals that it is okay for them to continue lying.

7. Accept children conceived during your relationship

Accepting a child conceived prior to a relationship is fine, but when a child is the fruit of unfaithful actions, your partner cannot expect you to accept that child with open arms. It is already difficult to deal with the pain of infidelity. He should allow you time to heal, and in time you might accept the child even without his prompting.

8. Give up something you are passionate about

Whether it’s a career, a hobby or a competition, your partner should never try to take that from you, even if they feel that you are not making enough money doing it, or they don’t like it for whatever reason.

9. Abandon your beliefs

Whether these are your religious beliefs or your general value system, you should not be asked to compromise on what is sacred to you. Your partner doesn’t have to agree with or accept this system, but it is their duty to support you.

10. Forgive and forget abuse

Whether it is a violent outburst or continuous physical or emotional abuse, you should not be asked to look past these. Instead, your partner should focus on getting the help they need to control their rage.