Signs your relationship is all wrong for you

ENTERING a new relationship, both individuals are usually blinded in some way, shape or form, and may oftentimes overlook certain things while making excuses for obvious red flags and shortcomings in their partner.

But once the bliss of the honeymoon phase wears off, thoroughly evaluating your feelings and stance about your relationship is important if you intend to get serious.

This evaluation will more than likely reveal whether your relationship is wrong or right for you.

Below, Anthony Gordon, certified family educator, counsellor and relational health specialist from Family Relational Health Services, shares signs that your relationship is all wrong for you.

1. It is filled with emotional fatigue

According to Gordon, this is characterised by feelings of constraints and complaints. “The novelty wears away and emotional fatigue sets in as there is no sustained trust, commonality, or liking. There’s a lot of discomfort and complaints, and both parties are not on the same page where feelings are concerned,” he said.

2. One partner reacts instead of responding to disagreements

Gordon explained that by this he means the reaction is always defensive or impulsive, and when the party who is frustrated feels like copping out, there’s always such a reaction. “This reaction is characterised by impulsiveness, hot-headedness, and they may fly off the handle and usually there is no compromise, hence it is a reaction versus a response to the situation,” he explained.

3. Time is always rationed

“Your partner may tend to express tiredness constantly, and the relationship has to be programmed,” he said. He further pointed out that this results in less time being spent together, and insensitivity sets in. You may find that there is no time to address issues in the relationship, and the partner may hurt you without acknowledging it or apologising.

4. Overinvestment on your part

If you are overinvesting your emotions to keep the relationship alive you will become emotionally bankrupt, as you will be spending until you eventually collapse. “If these signs persist over three weeks going into a month, then you need to take stock of your emotional spending,” Gordon said.

5. There is much terseness

Gordon said this is evident when your partner gives abrupt responses. “So you say to him/her, ‘Did you like what happened?’ and the answer is a brusque ‘No’. So there’s no spontaneity, spark or development in the conversation. If you even go further to ask if they have anything else to say, they may shut down,” he pointed out.