Your relationship could be over and you don’t know it
MANY crave love, it’s a beautiful thing, but some people in desperation struggle in relationships that are not working out, simply because they refuse to accept that it’s over.
Sometimes a relationship ends without the parties ever uttering goodbye because not everyone will tell you they want out. One party might very well still want it to work but the other doesn’t. The sad reality is that one person’s love will not hold a relationship together
Here are some scenarios that might indicate why the relationship you are holding on to is actually over.
1. You are emotionally dependent
A person who is not emotionally healthy can easily mistake emotional dependency for love. If you are going through something stressful, the person who makes the time to listen to you and give you a shoulder to cry on can quickly become your anchor. However, someone being kind to you and giving you a shoulder to lean on does not mean they are your prince charming. It means they have empathy, which you need at this time in your life. You will become attached because in your state of vulnerability, you need that kind of attention and affection. Someone who is hurting or going through a lot of stress is very vulnerable and it’s not the best time to start a new relationship. When you misinterpret someone’s kindness for love, you set yourself up for heartbreak or in some cases you can be used. Kind words and actions, attention and time spent with someone can lead to physical attraction and sex, but not necessarily love, so the affection you are displaying might not be reciprocated. Step back, assess the situation, and if you misinterpreted their actions toward you, cut as early as you can.
2. He was never genuine
A man can say anything to get a woman. Women are moved by what they hear and men by what they see. Most men know this and are experts at telling women what they want to hear, but nothing they say is genuine. It is a game, intended to get inside her head and get her into bed so while she is busy romanticizing the game, he is busy trying to figure exactly how to get her into bed as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, once a man gets inside a woman’s head, it becomes difficult for her to let him go. It’s like a game that some men master — the art of charming women. He knows all the right things to say and how to score with any type of woman. There are men who once they set their sights on a woman, will research her properly to position themselves well for the best hit at the wicket. But do not watch what he says, watch what he does. If his actions do not match his words, stop wondering if you heard him right. You did. Don’t beat up on yourself thinking about how you could have fallen for the lies. The most intelligent man or woman can be manipulated as long as they are vulnerable.
3. He does not want to tell you it’s over
Some relationships end without saying goodbye. Telling someone you no longer feel for them the same affection as they do is easier said than done. This is especially so for men who prefer to let their actions speak and just withdraw without explanation. Men do not like to be straightforward with women in situations where they have lost interest or where feelings are not reciprocated. Men do not like to close doors either. They will simply stop doing things they used to do and become unavailable, with the hope that they frustrate you enough for you to be the one to call it quits. You might feel angry at someone who withdraws from you without explanation, but sometimes it’s a blessing. If he wants to be with you, he will make the move. Don’t go chasing him or waiting for him to say it’s over. Some men will never say that to you.
4. He runs hot and cold
A person who runs hot and cold will certainly confuse and frustrate you. One minute they are attentive and caring then distant and cold the next. If you invest your emotions in someone who demonstrates this kind of behaviour, you set yourself up for heartache. You might be in love with the caring and attentive person and completely turned off by the distant and cold persona. In some instances, a man might intentionally mess with your head by running hot and cold. He likes something about you so he will still show affection to benefit from what he likes, however, he is not prepared to commit to you so he runs cold when he thinks you are becoming too attached. It is also very possible that he is bipolar.
Being overly careful can prevent you from enjoying a healthy relationship so do not put up a wall out of fear. Just take your time getting to know who you allow into your life and more importantly, your heart.
Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl, Instagram and Facebook at Marie Berbick, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
