He has a sex problem
Dear Counsellor,
I have been in a relationship for over six years. My man has a habit of getting women’s numbers and trying to have relationships with them.
Recently I searched his phone, and saw many calls to one particular number. I called her, and at first she told me a story, but I didn’t buy it. Then we started to call each other, something he knew about. She told me how they met, and that on the same day they met, even though she told him she had multiple partners, he still wanted to have sex with her.
What kind of man does that and puts me at risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases? I have told him he has a sex problem.
I would really like to know what to do, because it looks like the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
There comes a time in a relationship, especially if there is no legal commitment, to do an evaluation to determine the health and well-being of the relationship. Questions to ask would include: What is the level of commitment from both partners? Am I happy and hopeful for the efforts being made to strengthen the foundation of the relationship? Am I comfortable and ready to take the relationship to the next level? After careful analysis you should be able to make some decisions going forward.
You have a man who obviously has a problem controlling his sexual urges to the extent that he is prepared to join the line of men who engage in risky sexual encounters with a woman who has declared her vulnerability to STIs. This behaviour is reckless and certainly puts you at great risk.
Interestingly, you are aware of his wandering ways and should have known that he may have been sexually involved with many other women that you don’t even know about. Hopefully you’ve been protecting yourself on all sexual occasions.
The truth is, your gentleman embraces the school of thought that men are hunters who see women as prey. They believe that they must make use of every opportunity to have sex with any woman who crosses their path. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact of life.
That said, you need to make up your mind if you want to continue a relationship with someone who behaves like this. Chances are he won’t be making any dramatic changes in his outlook, one that he has held for many years, and one that obviously gives him great pleasure. It is unlikely that he would honour a ‘cease and desist’ order issued by you.
Mr Mention obviously doesn’t care about your feelings and how he may be endangering your life. Whether or not he has a sex addiction is something that would require professional help, and is not to be used as an excuse that you should accept.
Do your assessment. Sit with the gentleman and share your concerns, and then decide what steps you will be taking to protect yourself physically and emotionally.
All the best.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
